He’s making a database.
He’s querying it twice.
SELECT * FROM People WHERE Behavior = ‘Nice’
SQL Clause is coming to town.
I am going to have this stuck in my head the rest of the day!
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Tag Archives: Programmer
How Many IT People Does it Take…??
While hiding under my desk today a new employee badge was brought in to the IT dungeon. The person who activates badges, Make-it-so-Mike, was absent. In his stead the badge found me. The dust bunnies and I had concluded our conversation so I agreed to take on the duty of badge activation. Easy, right? NOPE!
First off. I have NO IDEA how we activate badges. Is there a program? A machine? A magic wand? There’s definitely no documentation…go figure.
Second off. Knowing nothing about the first part concludes I’d know nothing further.
Third off. Apparently Corvette-Crazy doesn’t know about Second Off because ‘knowing nothing’ somehow means ‘knowing something’ and I’m positive I know nothing.
Thankfully, Make-it-so-Mike walked in at this point. I’ve ceased plotting Corvette-Crazies demise. Onward we go to badge activation.
Make-it-so-Mike walks us through activating a badge because we really should know. AND, he will be out all week next week so…..
I take notes. The process is now documented! Woohooo!
We get the badge activated and then….we have to verify the badge works at all the entries. Now, I assume, I will run around and test the badge.
Nope!
It becomes a team effort.
Everyone from IT goes marching through the building. People stop and stare. They ask, “What are you guys doing?” It is a rare sight to see everyone from IT in the hallways. We all laugh at the questions because…the answer is far to silly to admit too.
First door. I place the badge on the reader. It beeps. The door unlocks. Second door – badge, reader, beep. Third door. Another repeat performance – badge, reader, beep. And so it goes.
So, today’s lesson…
If you see the whole IT team wandering the halls. They’re wasting time on something frivolous and they won’t admit it. And, the answer to how many IT people it takes to activate a new employees badge? 3 grown adults
I do hope your day has been filled with comedy. Life is to short to be serious all the time. Especially when you’re in IT.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Team Effort
On days the IT team is feeling semi-social we venture forth into the great unknown of Lunch!
Doesn’t sound exciting, I know. Until you realize the average lunch escapade for any IT member involves:
- Bringing your own lunch from home – and eating at your desk.
- Hitting fast food drive thru as quickly as possible – and eating at your desk.
- Keeping snack items stashed away in various drawers and cabinets – and eating at your desk.
- Running home to escape people and grab some yummy vittles – and avoiding your desk.
On this, day of days, however, the entire IT team decided we’d harken forth to a local eatery. Traveling, en-pack, to El Torito we left the dark recesses of our caves.
During lunch we unanimously decide there would be no talk of work.
It may not have been the wisest choice.
Our topics of conversation ranged from politics to midget porn to watcher programs to nanny cams to graveyard shifts to computer forensics to Corvette-Crazies latest date….
The poor gentleman who sat across from us spent much of his meal shaking his head. At some points I think he actually wanted to chime in….at others….I’m sure he questioned how our minds work.
Still….a break from the office, with the crew, especially on a Monday, is always welcome.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
IT Fun-And-Mental
I freely admit not all days are comical in the IT world.
There are days, like today, where the computer screen is your closest companion, and a query your confidant. It is these days which cause you to question your sanity….repeatedly. They also afford you the time to work on your four letter vocabulary. As of an hour ago, I do believe I have hit every four letter, foul intended word today. Not exactly the goal I set for myself this morning.
So, as a respite from my unintentional goal, I thought I’d share a few IT fundamentals:
- Coders have been known to flip off their computers. It doesn’t accomplish anything, but it sure makes you feel better.
- Error messages when queries fail are not always helpful. Example: Msg 2714, Level 16, State 3, Procedure X_ScrewedUpQuery412, Line 4 [Batch Start Line 9]
- We may be quietly staring at our computer monitor but, in our heads we’re cursing like an old sailor.
- Damn-It dolls are a good investment.
- Stress balls are only good for throwing at other people.
- If we are scowling, and mumbling, place a caffeinated beverage on our desk and quietly back away.
- We tend to keep toys at our desk. Momentary mental distractions can save the life of our current project….and the person who requested it.
- We are actually very polite, interesting, ‘normal’ people. Unless, things are blowing up, failing, malfunctioning, or not functioning.
- We have a verbal filter when professionalism is called for, however, when surrounded by other IT personnel the filter is disabled. This can, occasionally, be a bad thing. More often then not, it is greatly appreciated.
- We understand end users do not speak geek. We attempt to speak non-geek, but even our non-geek can be too geeky. We’re just hard-wired that way.
- We really do enjoy helping you. We thrive on problems and challenges. We just really like when you follow the process for reporting issues, and take the time to do basic troubleshooting.
- We don’t all live on hot pockets and caffeine but, we can make a valid argument for their inclusion in daily life.
- We do have different levels of geekiness. Some of those levels include nerdiness. And yes, there is a difference!
And last, but not least….
IT people are either dearly loved, or severely hated, depending on what is, or is not functioning.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Observations from the Desk of…
Observation from the Desk of the Fitfully Frustrated:
The answer is always simple. Once you’ve incomprehensibly complicated things for a multitude of days.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Work and Other Nonesense 