To all of the IT warriors out there who are kicking butt to set people up to work from home…

To all of you who are prepping emails, special messages, modifying websites, ensuring server space, and doing all you can to save the day…

You are Awesome and Undervalued! 

I know you’re all busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest but, be sure to take care of yourselves! Stay safe, sane, and healthy!

My thoughts are with you!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k


Not at all here…


Me…sitting at my desk…alone in the dark void of the office…

Corvette-Crazy: “Well…where’s Make-it-so-Mike?”

Me: “Not in here.”

Corvette-Crazy walks out of the office…

Three minutes later…

Corvette-Crazy: “What, Mike-it-so-Mike isn’t back yet?”

Me: “Nope, not yet.”

Corvette-Crazy: “My powers of observation are great!”

Me: “Sure, we’ll go with that…”

Corvette-Crazy walks out of the office…

Two minutes later…

Make-it-so-Mike: “Well, where’s Corvette-Crazy?”

I detail Corvette-Crazies walking in, comments, and walking out.

Make-it-so-Mike laughs and then walks out of the office….

A few seconds later both of them come walking back in to the office, make a comment, and then immediately walk back out.

I’m assuming at this point, since they have now found each other, they are off to skip lovingly through the forest, hands entwined, in eternal happiness. Either that or, they’re going to lose each other somewhere else in the building for someone else’s amusement.

Care to guess which one it will be?

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k


My Glitch in the Matrix




I have to share a story.

One particularly frustrating week of working on endless SQL’s caused a glitch in the Matrix for me.

I had been working on a couple of small reports which had to be done yesterday! And, one rather large report which was seriously pissing me off. No matter what I did I could not get the large report to run. It was error after error after error after error….enough to drive you to drinking!

I finished up the two smaller reports. Decided I’m leaving the large report for the next day because I’d had it. I was just mentally done with fighting with it.

Went home that night. Relaxed. Watched TV. Went to bed.

Woke up from a horrible dream at 3 am. In my dream I had accidentally deleted the large report. Upper management was wielding pitch forks and torches, and chasing me down a road I’d never seen.

The whole time I’m running I am retyping this huge query. Trying to get it finished before they catch me. The running and typing thing is a super power I do not posses in real life. Thankfully, I get the last line typed and …they catch me before I can tell them I’m finished…and….that’s when I woke up.

I get to work the next day. Finally stop procrastinating and decide I’d better work on the large report before there really are pitchforks and torches. So, I open the query and run it to see what errors I need to resolve and…the stupid thing runs!! Not a single error in sight.

I validate the data. It’s spot on. The client is happy. I’m confused.

I have to admit though, it is not the first time I’ve written a query in my sleep!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k


A Geeky Little Christmas



The Holiday’s are here and since I’m a (wo)man of few words. I thought I’d share some geeky funnies.






And last, but not least, Geek and Poke…because everything is better with Geek and Poke.


May the best of 2019 be the worst of your 2020. Happy Holiday’s All and a Blessed New Year!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k


All Grinched Up

Halloween decorating was a great success for the IT department…unfortunately. Since it was a success a repeat performance has been requested for the Christmas season.


The IT department is Grinch-afied. We do not want to decorate!

We exhausted our energy on Halloween because…well…Halloween is our favorite. The dark dungeon of IT should be the first clue for anyone who doubts.


The office receives a pizza party if all departments decorate. ALL departments. Ugh!

So…. How do you motivate an unmotived and bah humbuggish department to decorate?

I have no idea! 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k


Ideally Stuffed

I hope everyones Thanksgiving was awesome! They rolled me out the door so, I would say mine was a complete success. The best…no work!

So, I thought I’d share a friends work. (I seem to be on this kick lately, but hey, you have to share the awesome stuff, right?)

If you are a geek of geeks like I am. You have to check out


This great group of guys is from my home town. They work their butts off and they are good! They’re also pretty cool but don’t tell them I said anything to that effect lol

Check’em out! Show’em some love! And for goodness sakes, keep me AWAY from the turkey! Ugh!

Happy Holidays All!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k


SQL Clause is Coming to Town

He’s making a database.

He’s querying it twice.

SELECT * FROM People WHERE Behavior = ‘Nice’

SQL Clause is coming to town.



I am going to have this stuck in my head the rest of the day!


Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k


I T-Shirt You Not!

I’m not a salesperson. I’m a computer geek. But…

A couple of people I know well started a T-Shirt shop. They have some pretty funny items. Thought I’d pass it on in case you were…like me…a huge T-Shirt fan.

Wilder Things 101

No purchase necessary but, they may bring you a smile.


Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k


Calling all Clock Keepers

Walked in to the office this morning. First issue of the day, the time clock was not clocking.

This, is NOT an IT issue.

IT receives first notification because…well, one of the first people who arrive in the office is an IT person. And, well, IT is where you report everything! No toilet paper in stall three of the west women’s bathroom…report it to IT! Out of post-it notes? IT will have the answer! Can’t find the right power cord for your laptop? Maintenance will have it!

Office logic is never logical.

IT is not the keeper of the time clocks. We will, however, report the issue to the keeper of the time clocks. They will then remotely diagnosis the issue. If it can be fixed remotely they work their magic. If it cannot be resolved remotely they send someone with a big hammer to realign the clocks attitude. Today, required a realignment.

A very nice ‘keeper of the time clock’ came down and worked to resolve the issue. We, IT, sat and listened to her fiddle with the time click while talking on the phone to whomever was supplying assistance to her.

We, IT, listened because the time clock lives right outside our office. We listened to offer assistance if needed. We listened to gain insight into a possible resolution. We listened because we reported it. We apparently didn’t listen well enough because….

The very nice ‘keeper of the time clock’ left. No update on whether the issue was resolved or persisted. Nothing but silence.

Then….twenty minutes later the phone rang. It was the very nice lady calling to report the issue was resolved but, there was a slow connection and they may have to replace the Ethernet cable.

She called…

She called… instead of taking five steps to the right, or left, and stepping directly into the IT office.

She called…while the door to IT was wide open with every computer from the history of the company sitting right inside.

She called…instead of asking any of the twenty people sitting there could have been asked, “Where is IT? Where is such-and-such person?”

She called!

We have come to the unanimous decision she is apparently NOT an IT person.


Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k




Call Me Impressed Mr. Scammer

Caught a smart scammer today.

I wouldn’t classify any scammer as smart but, this one had his big boy panties on. He had a plan and executed it well, I was impressed. I am never easily impressed!

The call I received was from (843) 873-2196….spoofed number, of course. The caller was a very nice fellow named Daniel Walters. He had a funny accent though. I think maybe he was french, or Texan, or an odd mix of two year old and Australian. I can’t be sure which but I struggled a bit to understand him.

Now Mr. Walters informed me my Social Security Number had been suspended and an arrest warrant had been issued for me! Panic set in. My life rapidly passed before my eyes…my world was ending…how could I be in so much trouble? Secretly, I was laughing maniacally inside!

I LOVE receiving scam calls. I admit it. I’m a scam call addict. I secretly get a thrill out of tormenting them. The longer I can make the call last the happier I am. If I can get them to cuss me out I have succeeded in a touch of retribution for all the annoyance they cause. It really is the simple things in life.


I quizzed Mr. Walters on his badge number – Federal Badge ID # 417J2741. (He was very forthcoming with details!) , a call back number to reach him if we get disconnected – 1-800-1172-1213 , his extension – 209, etc.  Very quick with the answers. No hesitation. Almost spooky! Definitely believable.

Here is where being impressed comes in. The phone number he provided appears real. If you call the number it points you to a legitimate government URL – The phone number and the URL, ironically, are to report scams to the Office of the Inspector General. The catch is, on the call, you have to enter your Social Security Number. I was not willing to risk it. All I can say is…..

Very nicely done Mr. Scammer!

Now back to the call. At no time did Mr. Walter ask me to send money, or if I wanted to take care of it over the phone, etc. I was a bit disappointed. He did continually stress they were coming to take me away (ha ha, hee, hee…to the funny farm….And now that song is going to be stuck in my head the rest of the day!)

My fatal mistake. The mistake which cut the call short, and took away my fun….

I told him I was talking to my cousin, who was in law enforcement, while Mr. Walter and I were speaking. I informed him my cousin was completely confused. He hadn’t heard a word about an arrest warrant for me. To be honest, my cousin would be the first one to volunteer to come get me if I had a warrant. He’d do it to either laugh  at me or read me the riot act for being stupid.

Mr. Walter did hang up rather abruptly after my comment. Very rude! It did give us time to analyze the call and what we could have done better.

Oh, did I say ‘we’? Ya, well, when any of us here in IT get one of ‘those’ calls. We put it on speaker and plot our comments. Whoever gets the most cuss outs wins for the week. Like I said, it really is the little things!

Next time though….I’m going to have to play the damsel in distress. The guys have decided my protective cop family ploy was a dud. I have to agree. Next time, tears!

May all your annoying scam calls end comically. AND, if you are one of the scam callers I hope you reach our IT team – we’ve been practicing just for you! 🙂

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k