Stick, Stuck, Stick It!

Conversations outside the office door….

“I was wondering where you wanted me to stick that….”

“Not stick it, but stick it”

Because defining where it is to be stuck without sticking it is key!

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Error it is!

In the land of IT error messages are both a blessing and a curse.

Actual error messages:

  • Unacceptable SQL statement.
  • The statement is too long or too complex.
  • Illegal use of the specified keyword.
  • FETCH cannot make an INSENSITIVE cursor SENSITIVE. <– Is this an HR issue? 
  • You tried to create an object that already exists
  • Operation operation is not allowed on system databases
  • The clauses are mutually exclusive                             <–Monogamy in the tech world?
  • The DELETE rule must be DELETE-rule                      <– Persistent isn’t it?
  • Table table-name cannot be created in specified table space table-space-name because it already contains a table
  • The statement is rejected by data definition control support. reason reason-code
  • Unavailable resource. Someone else is locking your data.

Error messages are sooooo helpful!

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IT Fun-And-Mental

angrycomputerI freely admit not all days are comical in the IT world.

There are days, like today, where the computer screen is your closest companion, and a query your confidant. It is these days which cause you to question your sanity….repeatedly. They also afford you the time to work on your four letter vocabulary. As of an hour ago, I do believe I have hit every four letter, foul intended word today. Not exactly the goal I set for myself this morning.

So, as a respite from my unintentional goal, I thought I’d share a few IT fundamentals:

 

  1. Coders have been known to flip off their computers. It doesn’t accomplish anything, but it sure makes you feel better.
  2. Error messages when queries fail are not always helpful. Example: Msg 2714, Level 16, State 3, Procedure X_ScrewedUpQuery412, Line 4 [Batch Start Line 9] 
  3. We may be quietly staring at our computer monitor but, in our heads we’re cursing like an old sailor.
  4. Damn-It dolls are a good investment.
  5. Stress balls are only good for throwing at other people.
  6. If we are scowling, and mumbling, place a caffeinated beverage on our desk and quietly back away.
  7. We tend to keep toys at our desk. Momentary mental distractions can save the life of our current project….and the person who requested it.
  8. We are actually very polite, interesting, ‘normal’ people. Unless, things are blowing up, failing, malfunctioning, or not functioning.
  9. We have a verbal filter when professionalism is called for, however, when surrounded by other IT personnel the filter is disabled. This can, occasionally, be a bad thing. More often then not, it is greatly appreciated.
  10. We understand end users do not speak geek. We attempt to speak non-geek, but even our non-geek can be too geeky. We’re just hard-wired that way.
  11. We really do enjoy helping you. We thrive on problems and challenges.  We just really like when you follow the process for reporting issues, and take the time to do basic troubleshooting.
  12. We don’t all live on hot pockets and caffeine but, we can make a valid argument for their inclusion in daily life.
  13. We do have different levels of geekiness. Some of those levels include nerdiness. And yes, there is a difference!

And last, but not least….

IT people are either dearly loved, or severely hated, depending on what is, or is not functioning.

Look Dummy, it’s Right in the Schotoma!

Location: Genius-Developer-Guys Office
Participants: GDG, Project Manager Extraordinaire, Queen-of-the-CallCenter, Random Person, and Me

Random person leans in office door: 

“Have you seen the Queen-of-the-CallCenter?”

Group Responds:

“Nope, nope we haven’t…”

The QotCC can hide in plain site when you have a bit of an evil streak. The evil streak quickly softens when you wonder if Random Persons issue was critical?

We might have a slight evil streak, but hey, we prove scientific theory’s when our evil sides kick in. 🙂

 

*Schotoma Example: 
“Imagine the following situation.  Someone says to you, ‘Please get the the salt,’ and as you walk into the next room, you say, ‘But I don’t know where it is.’  After looking for a few minutes, you call out, ‘I can’t find the salt.’  Then that someone walks up, takes the salt right off the shelf in front of you, and says, ‘Look, dummy, it’s right her in front of you.  If it was a snake, it would have bitten you.’  When you said, ‘I can’t,’ you gave your brain a command not to see the salt.  In psychology, we call it schotoma.”

Hairy Situation

hairpullingThe great thing about work? People

The not-so-great thing about work? People

Thankfully, they provide endless entertainment which compensates for the rest. Case in point….hair cuts.

Ventured in to Cost Cutters last week. Decided my hair was annoying the crap out of me, and it needed to go.

Monday, at work, the common question was, “Did you get your hair cut?” My unspoken responses went something like this:

“No, I went in to get this one unruly hair cut, and the rest became insanely jealous. They threatened bodily harm if not allowed to join in the fun. So, we had to cut them all. Have you ever seen hair wielding a knife? It’s scary!”

“No, I went to dry my hair this morning and the ends jumped off. They’re now on strike for better treatment. I’ll miss them but, I don’t negotiate with hair-rorists!”

“No, I participated in a horror movie marathon and my hair just couldn’t take it.”

“No, I didn’t get a hair cut. Why? What are you saying? Oh My God! Where’s my hair?!?!?!”

“Why yes, yes I did. I figured while I was at it, I’d get them all cut though.”

“No, I went wig shopping and this one just wouldn’t come off.”

“Wait! Who told you? Are they still watching me?”

“Wait…..you can see me?!?!”

I may, or may not, have watched Bill Engvall and Jeff Foxworthy a few too many times. Also, I may, or may not, find questions suspect unless you are a teacher, or parent. Just saying…