Programming Virgins

All in a days conversations…..

Me: “It looks like a crime scene in here….”

Boss: “All that is missing is the blood splatter…”

Me: “That can be arranged…”

Boss: “Well….who do you propose we sacrifice?”

Me: “Typically, a virgin….”

Boss: “Can you program that..?”

Me: “No, the code for that was broken long ago….”

I wonder if the new AI sex dolls are considered virginal until utilized….?

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iLive vs. iDead

Statement of the day….

“People keep calling wanting to talk to a live representative. I really have the urge to pass them off to a dead one!”

I have often wondered if I’ve reached a living, or dead, representative when calling customer service. I now have the answer!

Is it possible I’m living in an episode of iZombie and I didn’t know it….??

 

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Error it is!

In the land of IT error messages are both a blessing and a curse.

Actual error messages:

  • Unacceptable SQL statement.
  • The statement is too long or too complex.
  • Illegal use of the specified keyword.
  • FETCH cannot make an INSENSITIVE cursor SENSITIVE. <– Is this an HR issue? 
  • You tried to create an object that already exists
  • Operation operation is not allowed on system databases
  • The clauses are mutually exclusive                             <–Monogamy in the tech world?
  • The DELETE rule must be DELETE-rule                      <– Persistent isn’t it?
  • Table table-name cannot be created in specified table space table-space-name because it already contains a table
  • The statement is rejected by data definition control support. reason reason-code
  • Unavailable resource. Someone else is locking your data.

Error messages are sooooo helpful!

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Observations from a Padded Server Room….

If you’re a manager, director, boss, or any other title overseeing employees…

  1. Do your job, not your employees job, even if your think you’re helping.
  2. Do Not sabotage your employees by doing parts of their job, having meetings with clients where decision on projects are made by yourself….without telling them…all the time! We need that information…we’re the ones working on the project….your job is to oversee our work. It confuses the client, your employee, and makes job hunting look appealing. Hair pulling, fluency in four letter word usage, and padded room experience are not acceptable skills for resume’s.
  3. Do Not reply to emails you’re copied on saying “I’ll take care of this…” when your employee is already taking care of it….. It makes it look like you are not confident in the people YOU hired. If it was already on your ‘To Do’ list then tell your employee first before replying to all. A simple “Hey, I knew this was an issue and am going to resolve it.” goes a long way. Absence of a heads up leads to #2 above.
  4. And last, but not least, employees like to have faith in their fearless leader. They like to know a few things:

Their boss would go to bat for them in adversity.
Their boss has faith in their abilities.
Their boss can lead without needing to control.
Their boss is available when needed.
Their boss won’t send them to the crazy house.

Note: This post was written in complete frustration. In five minutes I won’t remember it, and likely won’t care about any of it….until it happens again. I would like to think I would be an effective leader BUT….I’m pretty sure I would make the same mistakes, and likely a slew of others. If any of us were perfect we wouldn’t have self help books, right? On that note…. Here’s my suggested reading list for those looking to be effective leaders:

  1. The Noticer by Andy Andrews: Sometimes, all a person needs is a little perspective. (If I had to choose one book to provide to everyone I know….this would be the book!)

  2. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson: A Counter-intuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (Not really a leadership focused book but, it is well worth a read!)

  3. The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People (Awesome book!)

  4. The Power of Positive Leadership by John Gordon: How and Why Positive Leaders Transform Teams and Organizations and Change the World

  5. The Leadership Challenge: How to Make Extraordinary Things Happen in Organizations

  6. The Geek Leader’s Handbook by Paul Glen and Maria McManus: Essential Leadership Insight for People with Technical Backgrounds

  7. Grow Your Geeks by Antoinette Oglethorpe: A Handbook for Developing Leaders in High-Tech Organisations

Happy reading! Rant over 😉