Programmer Program Logic

Location: Code Review
Place: Line 146 Character 37
Program: VS Code
Script: File Load

Programmer Logic: “Well…I’d better fix this so it doesn’t yell at me.”

Programmers fear nothing!! Except a program yelling at them…

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Recycled, Recycling, Cannibals…

A little back story here…

Started a new job two months ago which means…new victims! I’ll need a whole new batch of nicknames…hhmmmm…

Anyway,new job, new people, new problems to solve. Current problem…lots of old computer ‘stuff’ which needs to be recycled. Thankfully, I have a contact!

Made contact with contact. Contact will contact me when contact has time to pick up ‘stuff.’ Woohooo for contacts and contacting contacts and being contacted!

In prep for my contact making contact to pick up ‘stuff’ we’ve been placing stickers on items to be recycled. Woohooo for stickers on ‘stuff’! (I may have had to much coffee today…don’t judge…)

So, stickers are on ‘stuff’ waiting for contacted contact to make contact to pick up said stickered ‘stuff’. Excitement is building to be rid of said ‘stuff.’

New co-worker, we’ll call him Mr. Corvette-Crazy cause…ya…lol Anyway…

Mr. Corvette-Crazy: *Places recycling ‘stuff’ sticker on forehead and sits there*

Me: *Gives sideways glance to Mr. Corvette-Crazy*

Bossman: Are you wanting to be recycled? We’d have to pay for them to take you.

Me: They’d pay us to keep him…

Mr. Corvette-Crazy: Hey! I was going to give you a thanks for setting the recycling up.

Genius-Developer-Guy: They’d probably get good money out of your parts. Two kidneys, a liver…they could even piece out your liver and give it to a couple of people.

Bossman: You never know they could be cannibals…

Me: Oh! Soup sounds good for supper!

Mr. Corvette-Crazy: *Quickly removes recycling sticker*

We will never know if the recycling company will take him, or if they’re cannibals…very disappointing…

Power Button Predicament

Today’s Adventure…

The Toni-ster: “Can you shut off the computer? Turn it completely off.”

User: “How do I do that?”

Toni-ster: “Hold the power button down for 30 seconds, or until the light goes off.”

User: “Okay, I held the button down, but there’s still a light on.”

Toni-ster: “Are you sure you turned the computer off, or was it the monitor?” *Toni-ster already knows the answer to this because she’s remoted in and the screen went blank…*

User: “Yes, it was the computer.” *You hear rattling of papers and things moving*

User: “Well,…maybe it was the monitor the blue light isn’t on any more.”

Toni-ster: “Okay, we need to turn the computer off. Find the power button on the computer.”

User: *More rumpling of papers, etc.* “Okay, I think I have it.”

Toni-ster: *Still seeing a blank screen…screen comes on…* “Are you sure you have the computer power button?”

User: “I think so, but I still see a light.”

Toni-ster: “The button should be on the little black box with the device name sticker.”

User: “Oh! That computer.”

Toni-ster: ….

User: *Holds the correct button down and turns off computer…finally!*

Toni-ster: *This is exactly why they made wine….*

Just another day in paradise! 🙂

Schrodinger’s Application

Today’s adventure…

User: “I can’t get in to such-and-such application”

Me: “Okay, let’s take a look” I remote in and….user is on the main log in screen.

Me: “Oh, so do you need help logging in to the computer?”

User: “No, I have my information to do that…”

Me: ….waiting for user to log in.

User: “Do you want me to log in?”

Me: *Thinking to myself: “No, I need to work on my psychic ability to see what happens next.”*

Me: Saying politely, “Yes, please.”

User: Finally logs in and….

Me: “What application are you having problems accessing?”

User: “Well, I have my sign in information for this application, this application, this one, and also this one.”

Me: “Is it one of those applications you’re having problems with?”

User: “No, I haven’t signed in to it before.”

Me: “Is it one of the applications you access through Citrix?” Opens Citrix for user to sign in.
User: “No, but I will need to be able to sign in there.”

Me: Let’s user know what username/password will get him signed in to Citrix.

Me: “Is the application one of the icons on your desktop?”

User: “I’m not sure. It should be.”

Me: *Waits for user to click on icon…*

Me: “Which of these icons is the one you need?” *Hovers over each icon slowly…trying to remain calm*

User: “I don’t think it is any of those.”

Me: *Screams profanities in my head because I just want to know what application he can’t get into*

Me: “Do you know which application it is?”

User: “I think so-and-so is calling someone.”

Me: *Really wanting to ask, “what does that have to do with the application?” while also screaming inside my head.*

Me: “Oh, are they calling someone to find out what application?”

User: “I don’t know…maybe.”

Mysterious voice in the Background: “Users name, they need to install the application, but you have your log in information, right?”

User: “I think so. They gave me several.”

Disembodied voice again: “Well, what applications did they give you passwords for?”

User: “I’m not sure. There were several of them.”

Me: “Users name, it sounds like someone is helping you with the application in the background. Is there anything else I can do to help?”

User: “Ya, so-and-so is getting the information. I think we’re good.”

Me: “Okay, if you have any additional problems please let us know.”

Disembodied voice in the background: “Now, which application were you trying to log in to? You have it on your computer right, or do we need to install it?”

User: “I think it is on the computer but, it may need to be installed. I don’t know.”

Me: *hanging up the phone quickly, praying he doesn’t call back!*

I still have absolutely no idea what application he was trying to log in to. I’m not even sure there was an application…

Schrodinger’s application – it is both an application and not an application until it is found or not found.

New Job, New Year, New Me, New You?

A new year.

A new job.

A new perfectly profound personality pool.

Laughter will ensue…has ensued…will be suing… Okay, maybe not the last part, but you get the picture.

The new crew is vast, and ever changing, which means names will be changed to protect the far from innocent.

And we start the year with “Today’s Random Statement,”….

“I think I need a stronger vibrator…”

When said loudly, and with no prior context…or visual clues… would your first thought be about a cell phone? Ya, neither would ours.

Welcome to 2018!

Coffee: Keeping Us Capable

The Zombie Apocalypse is far more inviting then catching some of us before coffee. I, for one, resemble a zombie before coffee. Sluggish, incoherent and in desperate need of brains.

So, first thing in the morning, you will find our tribe invading the break-room. It is a mass exodus from our area to the coffee machine. Along the way you may hear grumbles, growls, incoherent mumbling but, for the most part though, we’re personable. Unless…. there is no coffee. images

Then our quiet, well-behaved group starts looking for the culprit.

We want to know who we need to hunt down? Why they didn’t make more coffee? Why there is no coffee? In what world do they live where you don’t make a new pot of coffee when you empty one? How long have they worked here? Where is a good place to hide their body? You know, the usual questions.

We have expressed our concern to HR on many occasions. Why is proper coffee etiquette not part of orientation? Everyone needs to know when and how to make coffee. It needs to be a crime walking past the coffee making and not ensuring there is coffee. There MUST be coffee!!!

By the time we’re done debating all of this, again, a new pot of coffee is done brewing. We amazing return to sane, logical, people after a dose of caffeine.

I shutter to think what would happen if we found no coffee to brew while we debated…. Empty Coffee Cup Carrying Zombie Apocalypse?

Your Slip is Showing!

freud
Today’s subject: Freudian Slip

Freud·i·an slip
/ˌfroidēən ˈslip/
noun
an unintentional error regarded as revealing subconscious feelings.

Today’s Freudian Slip (Courtesy of Boss-type-lady):

“Have ‘Virgin’ Control take a look at it.”

…because Version Control is so last year!

scratchingYou have to wonder just where the Boss-type-ladies mind was…. and….why?

Was she Countess Elizabeth Bathory in a previous life? Nah…she’s no where evil enough but…she does look rather young….