Analysts and Their Details…

Our IT department loves bad jokes. The worse the better!

But… we are IT people so…

No joke goes un-analyzed. Case in point… (Joke told by Make-it-so-Mike)

A blonde walks into a bar. Sits down next to a guy.

He slowly takes a drink and then looks at her.

“Would you have sex with me for 5 Million dollars?”

She says, “YES!”

He slowly takes another drink.

“Would you have sex with me for ten dollars?”

She says, “No! What do a I look like? A prostitute?”

He says, “I thought we already established that and now we’re just haggling over the price?”

Simple joke. Most people laugh and move on.

Not us!

The discussion starts with how would she react? Would she really say yes? Why is it always a blonde? What was he drinking? Was he good looking? Why do jokes always assume prostitutes are the only ones who have sex for money? And, so on…

Thirty minutes later and we finally have all the details worked out…and the joke is no longer funny. Proof that analyst are sticklers for details!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

IM’s, Short and Sweet

Team meeting without the meeting part….you have to love those!

[‎1/‎14/‎2020 2:40 PM]  Genius Developer Guy (Boss): 

I’m held up in a meeting.  We won’t be having our staff meeting this week unless you guys have something that we need to discuss

 

[‎1/‎14/‎2020 2:40 PM]  Make-It-So-Mike: 

we’re good

 

[‎1/‎14/‎2020 2:40 PM]  Corvette Crazy: 

lol, me too

 

[‎1/‎14/‎2020 2:40 PM] Me:

All good here

 

[‎1/‎14/‎2020 2:40 PM]  Genius Developer Guy (Boss): 

yay!  no more meeting!  GET BACK TO WORK!

 

Welp…..back to work!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

How Many IT People Does it Take…??

While hiding under my desk today a new employee badge was brought in to the IT dungeon. The person who activates badges, Make-it-so-Mike, was absent. In his stead the badge found me. The dust bunnies and I had concluded our conversation so I agreed to take on the duty of badge activation. Easy, right? NOPE!

First off. I have NO IDEA how we activate badges. Is there a program? A machine? A magic wand? There’s definitely no documentation…go figure.

Second off. Knowing nothing about the first part concludes I’d know nothing further.

Third off. Apparently Corvette-Crazy doesn’t know about Second Off because ‘knowing nothing’ somehow means ‘knowing something’ and I’m positive I know nothing.

Thankfully, Make-it-so-Mike walked in at this point. I’ve ceased plotting Corvette-Crazies demise. Onward we go to badge activation.

Make-it-so-Mike walks us through activating a badge because we really should know. AND, he will be out all week next week so…..

I take notes. The process is now documented! Woohooo!

We get the badge activated and then….we have to verify the badge works at all the entries. Now, I assume, I will run around and test the badge.

Nope!

It becomes a team effort.

Everyone from IT goes marching through the building. People stop and stare. They ask, “What are you guys doing?” It is a rare sight to see everyone from IT in the hallways. We all laugh at the questions because…the answer is far to silly to admit too.

First door. I place the badge on the reader. It beeps. The door unlocks. Second door – badge, reader, beep. Third door. Another repeat performance – badge, reader, beep. And so it goes.

So, today’s lesson…

If you see the whole IT team wandering the halls. They’re wasting time on something frivolous and they won’t admit it. And, the answer to how many IT people it takes to activate a new employees badge? 3 grown adults 

I do hope your day has been filled with comedy. Life is to short to be serious all the time. Especially when you’re in IT.

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Pessimistic Programmer

threeofakind

 

Halloween has arrived in the office and most of us are enjoying the idea of a fun day.

Me: “Are we going to decorate for Halloween?”

Make-It-So-Mike: “We can”

Corvette-Crazy: “Why?”

Me: “You don’t want to?”

Corvette-Crazy: “What for?”

Me: “Cause it’s fun!”

Corvette-Crazy: “It’s for only one day. One hour.”

Me: “It’s for a couple of weeks and besides it’s FUN!”

Make-It-So-Mike: “Let’s do it.”

Genius-Developer-Guy: “We really should decorate for Halloween.”

Corvette-Crazy: *Begrudgingly agrees*

We now have a plan in place. A date set to do the decorating and…

Corvette-Crazy, who did not want to decorate for Halloween, has spent the last 9 days trying to find the perfect pieces to make props for his costume….and to decorate.

The Halloween pessimist has become the Decorating optimist. It just took the right programming!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

 

May the -Force be with You!

Code Review. A time to learn. A time to analyze. A time to test The -Force!

Corvette-Crazy: “Hey, we need to fix this error notification.”

Genius-Developer-Guy: “Okay.” *Looks at phone*

Corvette-Crazy: “All it should need is a ‘Force’.” *Opens Powershell script*

Genius-Developer Guy: “Okay” *Sends a text message*

Corvette-Crazy: *Scrolls through script; stops, types -Force* “Okay, should I try running it now?”

Genius-Developer-Guy: “Sure” *Never looks at the screen, or script*

Corvette-Crazy: *Runs script. Our emails blow up with error messages.*

Genius-Developer-Guy: “Hmm, guess that didn’t work. Glad I didn’t make the change.”

Developer logic is simple. Let the other person make the change. If it blows up on them you have full deniability. 

The -Force was not strong in the young Padawan today.

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Just Make it Stop!

In the poorly lit expanse of glowing monitors and clicking keyboard keys, where the infamous IT vampires daftly hunt and kill infuriating techie issues. In the space no ordinary man dares to enter for fear of growling and demands of ‘Did you submit a ticket?’.

There….

In the Darkness…

Is a stupid fly which has been bugging the hell out of everyone for three days!

IT can do a lot of things. Apparently killing a single fly isn’t one of them….

angrycomputer

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

What’s for Lunch?

So…

Corvette-Crazy and Make-it-so-Mike have this thing. It’s a weird thing. They’re a weird thing.

Anyway…

They venture to lunch and when they come back….they try to guess where the other went for lunch. You wouldn’t think this would be entertaining but…

Corvette-Crazy keeps a stash of empty fast food bags in his vehicle. Let me say that again….He keeps a stash of Empty fast food bags in his vehicle.

Why does he keep this stash? So he can ‘stump’ Make-it-so-Mike. The daily lunch discussion goes exactly like this:

Corvette-Crazy: *Walks in with a bag of food and drink* “So, where did I go to lunch?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “I don’t know. I didn’t see the bag”

Corvette-Crazy: *Holds up bag so Make-it-so-Mike can see it*

FYI – the bag Corvette-Crazy holds up says Taco Johns.

Make-it-so-Mike: “Looks like Arby’s, or Sonics.”

Corvette-Crazy: “Is that your finally answer?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “I know you went Sonic’s. I can see the cup.”

Corvette-Crazy: “Is that the only place I went?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “Probably not.”

Make-it-so-Mike to Me: “You know he keeps a stash of empty bags in his car so he can switch them out, right?”

Me: “You’re kidding?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “Nope”

Corvette-Crazy to Mike: “I think she’s getting into this too.”

Me: “Keep thinking!”

I have the unfortunate luck to have my desk smack dab between these two.. Most days, it is a great place to be….until lunch rolls around.

I appreciate the ‘guys’ have their thing. It entertains them. It makes them happy. Happy co-workers are a good thing.

However….after a year of this lunch discussion… I DO NOT care what anyone has for lunch!

By the way, I had beef jerky and a Monster for lunch. I know you were wondering…

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Extend Your Right Arm And…

When your Support Desk personnel are tired of fixing the same issue, repeatedly, every single day, but…they are trying to stay upbeat and positive to avoid jail time…. you end up with directions like this:

Periodically Internet Explorer will not display the  Home page (www.ourhomepage.com/homepage) correctly however there is a very simple fix!

If you open the Home Page and see something that looks like this image – follow the 6 steps outlined below:

homepage

  1. Relax – it’s easy to fix!
  2. Click on the “Sprocket” in the upper right corner of the browser

sprocket

3. Click Compatibility View Settings

compatability

4. Remove the Check in the box before “Display intranet sites in Compatibility View” and Click Close

checkmark

5. The browser should automatically refresh and …… Ala-ka-zam!!  You fixed it!! Your  Home Page aka Links Page should now look like this:

After

6. Now, fully extend your right arm, wrap it around your left shoulder and give yourself  a pat on the back – Good Job!!

If you read the full instructions…extend your right arm, wrap it around your left shoulder, and pat yourself on the back! You’ve just done more than the intended audience, Kudos!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l