How Many IT People Does it Take…??

While hiding under my desk today a new employee badge was brought in to the IT dungeon. The person who activates badges, Make-it-so-Mike, was absent. In his stead the badge found me. The dust bunnies and I had concluded our conversation so I agreed to take on the duty of badge activation. Easy, right? NOPE!

First off. I have NO IDEA how we activate badges. Is there a program? A machine? A magic wand? There’s definitely no documentation…go figure.

Second off. Knowing nothing about the first part concludes I’d know nothing further.

Third off. Apparently Corvette-Crazy doesn’t know about Second Off because ‘knowing nothing’ somehow means ‘knowing something’ and I’m positive I know nothing.

Thankfully, Make-it-so-Mike walked in at this point. I’ve ceased plotting Corvette-Crazies demise. Onward we go to badge activation.

Make-it-so-Mike walks us through activating a badge because we really should know. AND, he will be out all week next week so…..

I take notes. The process is now documented! Woohooo!

We get the badge activated and then….we have to verify the badge works at all the entries. Now, I assume, I will run around and test the badge.

Nope!

It becomes a team effort.

Everyone from IT goes marching through the building. People stop and stare. They ask, “What are you guys doing?” It is a rare sight to see everyone from IT in the hallways. We all laugh at the questions because…the answer is far to silly to admit too.

First door. I place the badge on the reader. It beeps. The door unlocks. Second door – badge, reader, beep. Third door. Another repeat performance – badge, reader, beep. And so it goes.

So, today’s lesson…

If you see the whole IT team wandering the halls. They’re wasting time on something frivolous and they won’t admit it. And, the answer to how many IT people it takes to activate a new employees badge? 3 grown adults 

I do hope your day has been filled with comedy. Life is to short to be serious all the time. Especially when you’re in IT.

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Pessimistic Programmer

threeofakind

 

Halloween has arrived in the office and most of us are enjoying the idea of a fun day.

Me: “Are we going to decorate for Halloween?”

Make-It-So-Mike: “We can”

Corvette-Crazy: “Why?”

Me: “You don’t want to?”

Corvette-Crazy: “What for?”

Me: “Cause it’s fun!”

Corvette-Crazy: “It’s for only one day. One hour.”

Me: “It’s for a couple of weeks and besides it’s FUN!”

Make-It-So-Mike: “Let’s do it.”

Genius-Developer-Guy: “We really should decorate for Halloween.”

Corvette-Crazy: *Begrudgingly agrees*

We now have a plan in place. A date set to do the decorating and…

Corvette-Crazy, who did not want to decorate for Halloween, has spent the last 9 days trying to find the perfect pieces to make props for his costume….and to decorate.

The Halloween pessimist has become the Decorating optimist. It just took the right programming!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

 

May the -Force be with You!

Code Review. A time to learn. A time to analyze. A time to test The -Force!

Corvette-Crazy: “Hey, we need to fix this error notification.”

Genius-Developer-Guy: “Okay.” *Looks at phone*

Corvette-Crazy: “All it should need is a ‘Force’.” *Opens Powershell script*

Genius-Developer Guy: “Okay” *Sends a text message*

Corvette-Crazy: *Scrolls through script; stops, types -Force* “Okay, should I try running it now?”

Genius-Developer-Guy: “Sure” *Never looks at the screen, or script*

Corvette-Crazy: *Runs script. Our emails blow up with error messages.*

Genius-Developer-Guy: “Hmm, guess that didn’t work. Glad I didn’t make the change.”

Developer logic is simple. Let the other person make the change. If it blows up on them you have full deniability. 

The -Force was not strong in the young Padawan today.

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Just Make it Stop!

In the poorly lit expanse of glowing monitors and clicking keyboard keys, where the infamous IT vampires daftly hunt and kill infuriating techie issues. In the space no ordinary man dares to enter for fear of growling and demands of ‘Did you submit a ticket?’.

There….

In the Darkness…

Is a stupid fly which has been bugging the hell out of everyone for three days!

IT can do a lot of things. Apparently killing a single fly isn’t one of them….

angrycomputer

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

What’s for Lunch?

So…

Corvette-Crazy and Make-it-so-Mike have this thing. It’s a weird thing. They’re a weird thing.

Anyway…

They venture to lunch and when they come back….they try to guess where the other went for lunch. You wouldn’t think this would be entertaining but…

Corvette-Crazy keeps a stash of empty fast food bags in his vehicle. Let me say that again….He keeps a stash of Empty fast food bags in his vehicle.

Why does he keep this stash? So he can ‘stump’ Make-it-so-Mike. The daily lunch discussion goes exactly like this:

Corvette-Crazy: *Walks in with a bag of food and drink* “So, where did I go to lunch?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “I don’t know. I didn’t see the bag”

Corvette-Crazy: *Holds up bag so Make-it-so-Mike can see it*

FYI – the bag Corvette-Crazy holds up says Taco Johns.

Make-it-so-Mike: “Looks like Arby’s, or Sonics.”

Corvette-Crazy: “Is that your finally answer?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “I know you went Sonic’s. I can see the cup.”

Corvette-Crazy: “Is that the only place I went?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “Probably not.”

Make-it-so-Mike to Me: “You know he keeps a stash of empty bags in his car so he can switch them out, right?”

Me: “You’re kidding?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “Nope”

Corvette-Crazy to Mike: “I think she’s getting into this too.”

Me: “Keep thinking!”

I have the unfortunate luck to have my desk smack dab between these two.. Most days, it is a great place to be….until lunch rolls around.

I appreciate the ‘guys’ have their thing. It entertains them. It makes them happy. Happy co-workers are a good thing.

However….after a year of this lunch discussion… I DO NOT care what anyone has for lunch!

By the way, I had beef jerky and a Monster for lunch. I know you were wondering…

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Extend Your Right Arm And…

When your Support Desk personnel are tired of fixing the same issue, repeatedly, every single day, but…they are trying to stay upbeat and positive to avoid jail time…. you end up with directions like this:

Periodically Internet Explorer will not display the  Home page (www.ourhomepage.com/homepage) correctly however there is a very simple fix!

If you open the Home Page and see something that looks like this image – follow the 6 steps outlined below:

homepage

  1. Relax – it’s easy to fix!
  2. Click on the “Sprocket” in the upper right corner of the browser

sprocket

3. Click Compatibility View Settings

compatability

4. Remove the Check in the box before “Display intranet sites in Compatibility View” and Click Close

checkmark

5. The browser should automatically refresh and …… Ala-ka-zam!!  You fixed it!! Your  Home Page aka Links Page should now look like this:

After

6. Now, fully extend your right arm, wrap it around your left shoulder and give yourself  a pat on the back – Good Job!!

If you read the full instructions…extend your right arm, wrap it around your left shoulder, and pat yourself on the back! You’ve just done more than the intended audience, Kudos!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Observations from a Padded Server Room….

If you’re a manager, director, boss, or any other title overseeing employees…

  1. Do your job, not your employees job, even if your think you’re helping.
  2. Do Not sabotage your employees by doing parts of their job, having meetings with clients where decision on projects are made by yourself….without telling them…all the time! We need that information…we’re the ones working on the project….your job is to oversee our work. It confuses the client, your employee, and makes job hunting look appealing. Hair pulling, fluency in four letter word usage, and padded room experience are not acceptable skills for resume’s.
  3. Do Not reply to emails you’re copied on saying “I’ll take care of this…” when your employee is already taking care of it….. It makes it look like you are not confident in the people YOU hired. If it was already on your ‘To Do’ list then tell your employee first before replying to all. A simple “Hey, I knew this was an issue and am going to resolve it.” goes a long way. Absence of a heads up leads to #2 above.
  4. And last, but not least, employees like to have faith in their fearless leader. They like to know a few things:

Their boss would go to bat for them in adversity.
Their boss has faith in their abilities.
Their boss can lead without needing to control.
Their boss is available when needed.
Their boss won’t send them to the crazy house.

Note: This post was written in complete frustration. In five minutes I won’t remember it, and likely won’t care about any of it….until it happens again. I would like to think I would be an effective leader BUT….I’m pretty sure I would make the same mistakes, and likely a slew of others. If any of us were perfect we wouldn’t have self help books, right? On that note…. Here’s my suggested reading list for those looking to be effective leaders:

  1. The Noticer by Andy Andrews: Sometimes, all a person needs is a little perspective. (If I had to choose one book to provide to everyone I know….this would be the book!)

  2. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson: A Counter-intuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (Not really a leadership focused book but, it is well worth a read!)

  3. The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People (Awesome book!)

  4. The Power of Positive Leadership by John Gordon: How and Why Positive Leaders Transform Teams and Organizations and Change the World

  5. The Leadership Challenge: How to Make Extraordinary Things Happen in Organizations

  6. The Geek Leader’s Handbook by Paul Glen and Maria McManus: Essential Leadership Insight for People with Technical Backgrounds

  7. Grow Your Geeks by Antoinette Oglethorpe: A Handbook for Developing Leaders in High-Tech Organisations

Happy reading! Rant over 😉

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l