How Many IT People Does it Take…??

While hiding under my desk today a new employee badge was brought in to the IT dungeon. The person who activates badges, Make-it-so-Mike, was absent. In his stead the badge found me. The dust bunnies and I had concluded our conversation so I agreed to take on the duty of badge activation. Easy, right? NOPE!

First off. I have NO IDEA how we activate badges. Is there a program? A machine? A magic wand? There’s definitely no documentation…go figure.

Second off. Knowing nothing about the first part concludes I’d know nothing further.

Third off. Apparently Corvette-Crazy doesn’t know about Second Off because ‘knowing nothing’ somehow means ‘knowing something’ and I’m positive I know nothing.

Thankfully, Make-it-so-Mike walked in at this point. I’ve ceased plotting Corvette-Crazies demise. Onward we go to badge activation.

Make-it-so-Mike walks us through activating a badge because we really should know. AND, he will be out all week next week so…..

I take notes. The process is now documented! Woohooo!

We get the badge activated and then….we have to verify the badge works at all the entries. Now, I assume, I will run around and test the badge.


It becomes a team effort.

Everyone from IT goes marching through the building. People stop and stare. They ask, “What are you guys doing?” It is a rare sight to see everyone from IT in the hallways. We all laugh at the questions because…the answer is far to silly to admit too.

First door. I place the badge on the reader. It beeps. The door unlocks. Second door – badge, reader, beep. Third door. Another repeat performance – badge, reader, beep. And so it goes.

So, today’s lesson…

If you see the whole IT team wandering the halls. They’re wasting time on something frivolous and they won’t admit it. And, the answer to how many IT people it takes to activate a new employees badge? 3 grown adults 

I do hope your day has been filled with comedy. Life is to short to be serious all the time. Especially when you’re in IT.


Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k


Team Effort

On days the IT team is feeling semi-social we venture forth into the great unknown of Lunch!

Doesn’t sound exciting, I know. Until you realize the average lunch escapade for any IT member involves:

  1. Bringing your own lunch from home – and eating at your desk.
  2. Hitting fast food drive thru as quickly as possible – and eating at your desk.
  3. Keeping snack items stashed away in various drawers and cabinets – and eating at your desk.
  4. Running home to escape people and grab some yummy vittles – and avoiding your desk.

On this, day of days, however, the entire IT team decided we’d harken forth to a local eatery. Traveling, en-pack, to El Torito we left the dark recesses of our caves.

During lunch we unanimously decide there would be no talk of work.

It may not have been the wisest choice.

Our topics of conversation ranged from politics to midget porn to watcher programs to nanny cams to graveyard shifts to computer forensics to Corvette-Crazies latest date….

The poor gentleman who sat across from us spent much of his meal shaking his head. At some points I think he actually wanted to chime in….at others….I’m sure he questioned how our minds work.

Still….a break from the office, with the crew, especially on a Monday, is always welcome.


Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k


Call Me Impressed Mr. Scammer

Caught a smart scammer today.

I wouldn’t classify any scammer as smart but, this one had his big boy panties on. He had a plan and executed it well, I was impressed. I am never easily impressed!

The call I received was from (843) 873-2196….spoofed number, of course. The caller was a very nice fellow named Daniel Walters. He had a funny accent though. I think maybe he was french, or Texan, or an odd mix of two year old and Australian. I can’t be sure which but I struggled a bit to understand him.

Now Mr. Walters informed me my Social Security Number had been suspended and an arrest warrant had been issued for me! Panic set in. My life rapidly passed before my eyes…my world was ending…how could I be in so much trouble? Secretly, I was laughing maniacally inside!

I LOVE receiving scam calls. I admit it. I’m a scam call addict. I secretly get a thrill out of tormenting them. The longer I can make the call last the happier I am. If I can get them to cuss me out I have succeeded in a touch of retribution for all the annoyance they cause. It really is the simple things in life.


I quizzed Mr. Walters on his badge number – Federal Badge ID # 417J2741. (He was very forthcoming with details!) , a call back number to reach him if we get disconnected – 1-800-1172-1213 , his extension – 209, etc.  Very quick with the answers. No hesitation. Almost spooky! Definitely believable.

Here is where being impressed comes in. The phone number he provided appears real. If you call the number it points you to a legitimate government URL – The phone number and the URL, ironically, are to report scams to the Office of the Inspector General. The catch is, on the call, you have to enter your Social Security Number. I was not willing to risk it. All I can say is…..

Very nicely done Mr. Scammer!

Now back to the call. At no time did Mr. Walter ask me to send money, or if I wanted to take care of it over the phone, etc. I was a bit disappointed. He did continually stress they were coming to take me away (ha ha, hee, hee…to the funny farm….And now that song is going to be stuck in my head the rest of the day!)

My fatal mistake. The mistake which cut the call short, and took away my fun….

I told him I was talking to my cousin, who was in law enforcement, while Mr. Walter and I were speaking. I informed him my cousin was completely confused. He hadn’t heard a word about an arrest warrant for me. To be honest, my cousin would be the first one to volunteer to come get me if I had a warrant. He’d do it to either laugh  at me or read me the riot act for being stupid.

Mr. Walter did hang up rather abruptly after my comment. Very rude! It did give us time to analyze the call and what we could have done better.

Oh, did I say ‘we’? Ya, well, when any of us here in IT get one of ‘those’ calls. We put it on speaker and plot our comments. Whoever gets the most cuss outs wins for the week. Like I said, it really is the little things!

Next time though….I’m going to have to play the damsel in distress. The guys have decided my protective cop family ploy was a dud. I have to agree. Next time, tears!

May all your annoying scam calls end comically. AND, if you are one of the scam callers I hope you reach our IT team – we’ve been practicing just for you! 🙂

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k