Monthly Archives: September 2018

A Thousand Problems, and a Solution ain’t One

by

Today’s Lesson: The Problem with Programmers and Problems

If you place three programmers in one room, to solve one problem.

They will come up with 100 different ways to solve said problem. They will weigh the pros and cons of each solution. The speed, the readability, the time investment, etc. They will discuss possible outcomes until they all agree on one solution.

They will then congratulate each other on the superior solution and promptly return to their offices to continue working on their current projects.

They will then have to be reminded of the existence of the problem previously discussed.

At which time they will then come up with a 100 different ways to solve said problem….and will discuss….and return….and be reminded….and…

Programmers are an extraordinarily rare breed!

Likely, because they’re still coming up with a better solution to breeding…

bugfeature

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Given the Finger…or Toe?

by

Today’s overheard statement…

Cubicle-Dweller One: “I just ate a finger, or toe, not sure which one….it tasted funny though…”

Cubicle-Dweller Two: “You know you shouldn’t be eating appendages, right? Hhmmmm maybe that’s why my sock keeps falling down….”

Cannibalism in the work place OR, the onset of Halloween candy in the hallowed halls of cubicle land? I have yet to decide….

ghost

 

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Client Continuous Conundrum

by

Clients…

We love them….

They give us money to do what we love to do…

But…

We very, VERY often plot their demise! Case in point:

Client: “We have bad data in this report. We need it fixed immediately!”

IT: *Thinks the report hasn’t changed in five years and you’re just now seeing bad data? Must be a REALLY important report, huh?….. Instead politely says…* “That’s awful! We’ll take a look right away.”

IT: *Finds the issue. Resolves the issue. Sends updated report. Starts considering places to hide bodies*

Client: “That’s perfect! Thank you! But….could we get this report for all historical data? That way we can start with a fresh slate.”

IT: *Starts list of places to hide bodies, associated risks, and possibility of discovery.* “Sure, we’ll take a look and see what we can do.”

IT: *Sends full file of all historical data from the time of Jesus to man kinds end…stops plotting clients demise…maybe…*

Client: “That’s fantastic! Just what we needed! But…could we get it for just this one person?”

IT: *Starts new list for slow death options..starts watching Criminal Minds, NCIS, and True Crimes for more ideas.* “We can definitely take a look at providing that information. We’ll need a little time.” *..and plastic, plastic would be good…starts watching Dexter….Oh! Tools…we need tools!*

IT: *Once again provides requested data in requested format. Thinks, finally, this is done! What more could they possibly want? Keeps list of ideas for slow, agonizing death options just in case…*

Client: “This is exactly what we need. Great job! But…could we get this for all the other files too?”

Punching bags have been ordered to prevent the birth of a rash of IT serial killers. Bets have been taken as to which arrives first…

*Note: A debate did ensue on whether an IT Serial Killer would wear a clown costume or not, but we couldn’t agree on the over-sized shoes being a help or hindrance in the commission of a murder. There was also some concern over the requirement of a red nose…But, we did agree on the proper usage of cat 5 as a torture element.

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Programmer Program Logic

by

Location: Code Review
Place: Line 146 Character 37
Program: VS Code
Script: File Load

Programmer Logic: “Well…I’d better fix this so it doesn’t yell at me.”

Programmers fear nothing!! Except a program yelling at them…

geekandpoke

If you’re like me and love all things geeky. You have to check out Geek & Poke. You will not be sorry!! They are the best thing since canned cheese!

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Recycled, Recycling, Cannibals…

by

A little back story here…

Started a new job two months ago which means…new victims! I’ll need a whole new batch of nicknames…hhmmmm…

Anyway,new job, new people, new problems to solve. Current problem…lots of old computer ‘stuff’ which needs to be recycled. Thankfully, I have a contact!

Made contact with contact. Contact will contact me when contact has time to pick up ‘stuff.’ Woohooo for contacts and contacting contacts and being contacted!

In prep for my contact making contact to pick up ‘stuff’ we’ve been placing stickers on items to be recycled. Woohooo for stickers on ‘stuff’! (I may have had to much coffee today…don’t judge…)

So, stickers are on ‘stuff’ waiting for contacted contact to make contact to pick up said stickered ‘stuff’. Excitement is building to be rid of said ‘stuff.’

New co-worker, we’ll call him Mr. Corvette-Crazy cause…ya…lol Anyway…

Mr. Corvette-Crazy: *Places recycling ‘stuff’ sticker on forehead and sits there*

Me: *Gives sideways glance to Mr. Corvette-Crazy*

Bossman: Are you wanting to be recycled? We’d have to pay for them to take you.

Me: They’d pay us to keep him…

Mr. Corvette-Crazy: Hey! I was going to give you a thanks for setting the recycling up.

Genius-Developer-Guy: They’d probably get good money out of your parts. Two kidneys, a liver…they could even piece out your liver and give it to a couple of people.

Bossman: You never know they could be cannibals…

Me: Oh! Soup sounds good for supper!

Mr. Corvette-Crazy: *Quickly removes recycling sticker*

We will never know if the recycling company will take him, or if they’re cannibals…very disappointing…

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l