A Moral Morrill Issue

Observation from Under the Desk:

When one wishes to have a conversation about Moral’s. One must not attempt to have it with a group whose focus is local Cities. A Moral question quickly becomes a question of Morrill’s.

 

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A Measure of a Man

In today’s IT Team Meeting we learned…

Boss: “IRM is affecting a users email and…”

Genius: “Italy’s most famous lover died while having sex with a 23 year old.”

Me…cause Analyst: “How does one quantify who the most famous lover is in a country? Is there a measure?”

Corvette-Crazy: “I’m sure there’s a measure…”

Boss: “A measure of a man…wait, let’s not go that direction…”

Genius: “He was 63 and had 6000 lovers; starting when he was 17.”

Me: “That’s how many lovers a year?”

Corvette-Crazy: “He would have had to sex every three days….”

Me: “I don’t like enough people for that kind of interaction…”

And…

Boss: “You know we really need to fix the IRM issue and look at Active Directory. Do we have that slated for tonight?”

And that, my friends, is why people never understand what IT people are talking about.

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Recycled, Recycling, Cannibals…

A little back story here…

Started a new job two months ago which means…new victims! I’ll need a whole new batch of nicknames…hhmmmm…

Anyway,new job, new people, new problems to solve. Current problem…lots of old computer ‘stuff’ which needs to be recycled. Thankfully, I have a contact!

Made contact with contact. Contact will contact me when contact has time to pick up ‘stuff.’ Woohooo for contacts and contacting contacts and being contacted!

In prep for my contact making contact to pick up ‘stuff’ we’ve been placing stickers on items to be recycled. Woohooo for stickers on ‘stuff’! (I may have had to much coffee today…don’t judge…)

So, stickers are on ‘stuff’ waiting for contacted contact to make contact to pick up said stickered ‘stuff’. Excitement is building to be rid of said ‘stuff.’

New co-worker, we’ll call him Mr. Corvette-Crazy cause…ya…lol Anyway…

Mr. Corvette-Crazy: *Places recycling ‘stuff’ sticker on forehead and sits there*

Me: *Gives sideways glance to Mr. Corvette-Crazy*

Bossman: Are you wanting to be recycled? We’d have to pay for them to take you.

Me: They’d pay us to keep him…

Mr. Corvette-Crazy: Hey! I was going to give you a thanks for setting the recycling up.

Genius-Developer-Guy: They’d probably get good money out of your parts. Two kidneys, a liver…they could even piece out your liver and give it to a couple of people.

Bossman: You never know they could be cannibals…

Me: Oh! Soup sounds good for supper!

Mr. Corvette-Crazy: *Quickly removes recycling sticker*

We will never know if the recycling company will take him, or if they’re cannibals…very disappointing…

Let the Introductions Commence!

I realized today I haven’t introduced the new delegation of repudiation. How can you truly appreciate the off-kilter group of misfits I now call co-works? The About page tells you a little but… really, what fun is an About Page? Boring!

So…where to start…

How about with the important people? The grunts, gophers, and go-getters.

Yes! Yes! Lets start with them.

At the top of the grunts heap is Genius-Developer-Guy. The name is given in all reverence and is still lacking. I have watched many programmers over my lifetime. None of them like Genius-Developer-Guy. He writes code which is elegant, beautiful, and complete works of art. I stand in complete awe of his abilities. I will be 100 before I ever reach his level.

Genius-Developer-Guy is always in high demand. He has a sharp wit and a gloriously awesome geeky sense of humor. It makes working with him easy and enjoyable. And if that is not reason enough to work with him… He has a Battlestar Galactica ship blueprint on his office wall. Oh, he’s also single ladies! Single, successful and keeps Newton’s Cradle on his desk. Plus, he’s a dog lover. You just can’t go wrong with those qualities, ladies!

Anyway, onward we go!

Next we have Corvette-Crazy-Guy. I call him Corvette Crazy because, well, he owns a corvette and he’s a little crazy. I think the crazy part is a requirement for IT people though. So, don’t read the crazy as ‘stalker crazy.’ Instead he is a ‘life is meant to be fun, filled with laughter, and completely enjoyed’ crazy.

Corvette-Crazy-Guy is the one we all give a hard time to. It’s a must! I’m not even sure why… we just do…and…he gives it right back. It’s awesome! He’s also a darn hard worker. Probably spends more hours at work then the rest of us on projects. He’s a true IT person at heart. True IT people have to learn, constantly. We’re not happy unless we’re learning something new.  Oh, and ladies, he’s single! He’d be a great catch for someone who likes to be pampered and spoiled. Just sayin’…..

Forward we go to…

Bossman. Every place you work you have a boss. Unless, you’re the one who is THE BOSS. Our boss is a pretty laid back, easy going, rarely riled guy. He adores his family, and will give you an honest opinion. That’s pretty awesome when you get right down to it. I’ve seen him ‘riled’ up once and he didn’t even raise his voice. If he hadn’t told me, I never would have known.

He will tell you when you need to get your butt to work though. Thankfully I haven’t been told that, yet, but I’m waiting for an off week. Although, I don’t really see him saying it. He’s definitely more… “Do you need help?” than “Get off your lazy ass and work!” Goes with his laid back nature.

Then there is the Mike-ster! I’ve know the Mike-ster for…. a few years. He’s a pretty awesome dude. Never tell him I said that though. I wouldn’t want him thinking I was being nice to him. The Mike-ster has a long list of talents.

He’s great with people, good with technology, and works magic with documentation. I’ve yet to meet anyone who doesn’t like him. He’s just that friendly guy who makes everyone feel at ease. Kind of like the rest of this group…hmmmm….wonder if that is part of why he fits in so well? 🙂

I cannot forget the Project-Manager-Extraordinaire (PME). She’s a whirl wind of talent.  She has so much knowledge stored in her head. I’ve listened to her rattle steps off, or locations of data, or how to do things so fast… I couldn’t keep up! She really knows her stuff and, she’s always willing to help answer questions. Plus, she always knows the answer! It’s awesome!

Smart, talented, helpful, witty, and just all around awesome! Being able to work with this group is definitely a blessing. Hat’s off to the wonder that is them!

 

Schrodinger’s Application

Today’s adventure…

User: “I can’t get in to such-and-such application”

Me: “Okay, let’s take a look” I remote in and….user is on the main log in screen.

Me: “Oh, so do you need help logging in to the computer?”

User: “No, I have my information to do that…”

Me: ….waiting for user to log in.

User: “Do you want me to log in?”

Me: *Thinking to myself: “No, I need to work on my psychic ability to see what happens next.”*

Me: Saying politely, “Yes, please.”

User: Finally logs in and….

Me: “What application are you having problems accessing?”

User: “Well, I have my sign in information for this application, this application, this one, and also this one.”

Me: “Is it one of those applications you’re having problems with?”

User: “No, I haven’t signed in to it before.”

Me: “Is it one of the applications you access through Citrix?” Opens Citrix for user to sign in.
User: “No, but I will need to be able to sign in there.”

Me: Let’s user know what username/password will get him signed in to Citrix.

Me: “Is the application one of the icons on your desktop?”

User: “I’m not sure. It should be.”

Me: *Waits for user to click on icon…*

Me: “Which of these icons is the one you need?” *Hovers over each icon slowly…trying to remain calm*

User: “I don’t think it is any of those.”

Me: *Screams profanities in my head because I just want to know what application he can’t get into*

Me: “Do you know which application it is?”

User: “I think so-and-so is calling someone.”

Me: *Really wanting to ask, “what does that have to do with the application?” while also screaming inside my head.*

Me: “Oh, are they calling someone to find out what application?”

User: “I don’t know…maybe.”

Mysterious voice in the Background: “Users name, they need to install the application, but you have your log in information, right?”

User: “I think so. They gave me several.”

Disembodied voice again: “Well, what applications did they give you passwords for?”

User: “I’m not sure. There were several of them.”

Me: “Users name, it sounds like someone is helping you with the application in the background. Is there anything else I can do to help?”

User: “Ya, so-and-so is getting the information. I think we’re good.”

Me: “Okay, if you have any additional problems please let us know.”

Disembodied voice in the background: “Now, which application were you trying to log in to? You have it on your computer right, or do we need to install it?”

User: “I think it is on the computer but, it may need to be installed. I don’t know.”

Me: *hanging up the phone quickly, praying he doesn’t call back!*

I still have absolutely no idea what application he was trying to log in to. I’m not even sure there was an application…

Schrodinger’s application – it is both an application and not an application until it is found or not found.

New Job, New Year, New Me, New You?

A new year.

A new job.

A new perfectly profound personality pool.

Laughter will ensue…has ensued…will be suing… Okay, maybe not the last part, but you get the picture.

The new crew is vast, and ever changing, which means names will be changed to protect the far from innocent.

And we start the year with “Today’s Random Statement,”….

“I think I need a stronger vibrator…”

When said loudly, and with no prior context…or visual clues… would your first thought be about a cell phone? Ya, neither would ours.

Welcome to 2018!

Coffee: Keeping Us Capable

The Zombie Apocalypse is far more inviting then catching some of us before coffee. I, for one, resemble a zombie before coffee. Sluggish, incoherent and in desperate need of brains.

So, first thing in the morning, you will find our tribe invading the break-room. It is a mass exodus from our area to the coffee machine. Along the way you may hear grumbles, growls, incoherent mumbling but, for the most part though, we’re personable. Unless…. there is no coffee. images

Then our quiet, well-behaved group starts looking for the culprit.

We want to know who we need to hunt down? Why they didn’t make more coffee? Why there is no coffee? In what world do they live where you don’t make a new pot of coffee when you empty one? How long have they worked here? Where is a good place to hide their body? You know, the usual questions.

We have expressed our concern to HR on many occasions. Why is proper coffee etiquette not part of orientation? Everyone needs to know when and how to make coffee. It needs to be a crime walking past the coffee making and not ensuring there is coffee. There MUST be coffee!!!

By the time we’re done debating all of this, again, a new pot of coffee is done brewing. We amazing return to sane, logical, people after a dose of caffeine.

I shutter to think what would happen if we found no coffee to brew while we debated…. Empty Coffee Cup Carrying Zombie Apocalypse?