Today’s Random Statement….
Poor Innocent Soul: “I’m going to propose….”
In Unison Response: “…but, we’re all married!?”
One must always be prepared for the sharp minds in IT.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
A Measure of a Man
In today’s IT Team Meeting we learned…
Boss: “IRM is affecting a users email and…”
Genius: “Italy’s most famous lover died while having sex with a 23 year old.”
Me…cause Analyst: “How does one quantify who the most famous lover is in a country? Is there a measure?”
Corvette-Crazy: “I’m sure there’s a measure…”
Boss: “A measure of a man…wait, let’s not go that direction…”
Genius: “He was 63 and had 6000 lovers; starting when he was 17.”
Me: “That’s how many lovers a year?”
Corvette-Crazy: “He would have had to sex every three days….”
Me: “I don’t like enough people for that kind of interaction…”
And…
Boss: “You know we really need to fix the IRM issue and look at Active Directory. Do we have that slated for tonight?”
And that, my friends, is why people never understand what IT people are talking about.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Observations from the Desk of…
Observation from the Desk of the Fitfully Frustrated:
The answer is always simple. Once you’ve incomprehensibly complicated things for a multitude of days.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
A Thousand Problems, and a Solution ain’t One
Today’s Lesson: The Problem with Programmers and Problems
If you place three programmers in one room, to solve one problem.
They will come up with 100 different ways to solve said problem. They will weigh the pros and cons of each solution. The speed, the readability, the time investment, etc. They will discuss possible outcomes until they all agree on one solution.
They will then congratulate each other on the superior solution and promptly return to their offices to continue working on their current projects.
They will then have to be reminded of the existence of the problem previously discussed.
At which time they will then come up with a 100 different ways to solve said problem….and will discuss….and return….and be reminded….and…
Programmers are an extraordinarily rare breed!
Likely, because they’re still coming up with a better solution to breeding…
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Given the Finger…or Toe?
Today’s overheard statement…
Cubicle-Dweller One: “I just ate a finger, or toe, not sure which one….it tasted funny though…”
Cubicle-Dweller Two: “You know you shouldn’t be eating appendages, right? Hhmmmm maybe that’s why my sock keeps falling down….”
Cannibalism in the work place OR, the onset of Halloween candy in the hallowed halls of cubicle land? I have yet to decide….
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Client Continuous Conundrum
Clients…
We love them….
They give us money to do what we love to do…
But…
We very, VERY often plot their demise! Case in point:
Client: “We have bad data in this report. We need it fixed immediately!”
IT: *Thinks the report hasn’t changed in five years and you’re just now seeing bad data? Must be a REALLY important report, huh?….. Instead politely says…* “That’s awful! We’ll take a look right away.”
IT: *Finds the issue. Resolves the issue. Sends updated report. Starts considering places to hide bodies*
Client: “That’s perfect! Thank you! But….could we get this report for all historical data? That way we can start with a fresh slate.”
IT: *Starts list of places to hide bodies, associated risks, and possibility of discovery.* “Sure, we’ll take a look and see what we can do.”
IT: *Sends full file of all historical data from the time of Jesus to man kinds end…stops plotting clients demise…maybe…*
Client: “That’s fantastic! Just what we needed! But…could we get it for just this one person?”
IT: *Starts new list for slow death options..starts watching Criminal Minds, NCIS, and True Crimes for more ideas.* “We can definitely take a look at providing that information. We’ll need a little time.” *..and plastic, plastic would be good…starts watching Dexter….Oh! Tools…we need tools!*
IT: *Once again provides requested data in requested format. Thinks, finally, this is done! What more could they possibly want? Keeps list of ideas for slow, agonizing death options just in case…*
Client: “This is exactly what we need. Great job! But…could we get this for all the other files too?”
Punching bags have been ordered to prevent the birth of a rash of IT serial killers. Bets have been taken as to which arrives first…
*Note: A debate did ensue on whether an IT Serial Killer would wear a clown costume or not, but we couldn’t agree on the over-sized shoes being a help or hindrance in the commission of a murder. There was also some concern over the requirement of a red nose…But, we did agree on the proper usage of cat 5 as a torture element.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Programmer Program Logic
Location: Code Review
Place: Line 146 Character 37
Program: VS Code
Script: File Load
Programmer Logic: “Well…I’d better fix this so it doesn’t yell at me.”
Programmers fear nothing!! Except a program yelling at them…
If you’re like me and love all things geeky. You have to check out Geek & Poke. You will not be sorry!! They are the best thing since canned cheese!
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Recycled, Recycling, Cannibals…
A little back story here…
Started a new job two months ago which means…new victims! I’ll need a whole new batch of nicknames…hhmmmm…
Anyway,new job, new people, new problems to solve. Current problem…lots of old computer ‘stuff’ which needs to be recycled. Thankfully, I have a contact!
Made contact with contact. Contact will contact me when contact has time to pick up ‘stuff.’ Woohooo for contacts and contacting contacts and being contacted!
In prep for my contact making contact to pick up ‘stuff’ we’ve been placing stickers on items to be recycled. Woohooo for stickers on ‘stuff’! (I may have had to much coffee today…don’t judge…)
So, stickers are on ‘stuff’ waiting for contacted contact to make contact to pick up said stickered ‘stuff’. Excitement is building to be rid of said ‘stuff.’
New co-worker, we’ll call him Mr. Corvette-Crazy cause…ya…lol Anyway…
Mr. Corvette-Crazy: *Places recycling ‘stuff’ sticker on forehead and sits there*
Me: *Gives sideways glance to Mr. Corvette-Crazy*
Bossman: Are you wanting to be recycled? We’d have to pay for them to take you.
Me: They’d pay us to keep him…
Mr. Corvette-Crazy: Hey! I was going to give you a thanks for setting the recycling up.
Genius-Developer-Guy: They’d probably get good money out of your parts. Two kidneys, a liver…they could even piece out your liver and give it to a couple of people.
Bossman: You never know they could be cannibals…
Me: Oh! Soup sounds good for supper!
Mr. Corvette-Crazy: *Quickly removes recycling sticker*
We will never know if the recycling company will take him, or if they’re cannibals…very disappointing…
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Let the Introductions Commence!
I realized today I haven’t introduced the new delegation of repudiation. How can you truly appreciate the off-kilter group of misfits I now call co-works? The About page tells you a little but… really, what fun is an About Page? Boring!
So…where to start…
How about with the important people? The grunts, gophers, and go-getters.
Yes! Yes! Lets start with them.
At the top of the grunts heap is Genius-Developer-Guy. The name is given in all reverence and is still lacking. I have watched many programmers over my lifetime. None of them like Genius-Developer-Guy. He writes code which is elegant, beautiful, and complete works of art. I stand in complete awe of his abilities. I will be 100 before I ever reach his level.
Genius-Developer-Guy is always in high demand. He has a sharp wit and a gloriously awesome geeky sense of humor. It makes working with him easy and enjoyable. And if that is not reason enough to work with him… He has a Battlestar Galactica ship blueprint on his office wall. Oh, he’s also single ladies! Single, successful and keeps Newton’s Cradle on his desk. Plus, he’s a dog lover. You just can’t go wrong with those qualities, ladies!
Anyway, onward we go!
Next we have Corvette-Crazy-Guy. I call him Corvette Crazy because, well, he owns a corvette and he’s a little crazy. I think the crazy part is a requirement for IT people though. So, don’t read the crazy as ‘stalker crazy.’ Instead he is a ‘life is meant to be fun, filled with laughter, and completely enjoyed’ crazy.
Corvette-Crazy-Guy is the one we all give a hard time to. It’s a must! I’m not even sure why… we just do…and…he gives it right back. It’s awesome! He’s also a darn hard worker. Probably spends more hours at work then the rest of us on projects. He’s a true IT person at heart. True IT people have to learn, constantly. We’re not happy unless we’re learning something new. Oh, and ladies, he’s single! He’d be a great catch for someone who likes to be pampered and spoiled. Just sayin’…..
Forward we go to…
Bossman. Every place you work you have a boss. Unless, you’re the one who is THE BOSS. Our boss is a pretty laid back, easy going, rarely riled guy. He adores his family, and will give you an honest opinion. That’s pretty awesome when you get right down to it. I’ve seen him ‘riled’ up once and he didn’t even raise his voice. If he hadn’t told me, I never would have known.
He will tell you when you need to get your butt to work though. Thankfully I haven’t been told that, yet, but I’m waiting for an off week. Although, I don’t really see him saying it. He’s definitely more… “Do you need help?” than “Get off your lazy ass and work!” Goes with his laid back nature.
Then there is the Mike-ster! I’ve know the Mike-ster for…. a few years. He’s a pretty awesome dude. Never tell him I said that though. I wouldn’t want him thinking I was being nice to him. The Mike-ster has a long list of talents.
He’s great with people, good with technology, and works magic with documentation. I’ve yet to meet anyone who doesn’t like him. He’s just that friendly guy who makes everyone feel at ease. Kind of like the rest of this group…hmmmm….wonder if that is part of why he fits in so well? 🙂
I cannot forget the Project-Manager-Extraordinaire (PME). She’s a whirl wind of talent. She has so much knowledge stored in her head. I’ve listened to her rattle steps off, or locations of data, or how to do things so fast… I couldn’t keep up! She really knows her stuff and, she’s always willing to help answer questions. Plus, she always knows the answer! It’s awesome!
Smart, talented, helpful, witty, and just all around awesome! Being able to work with this group is definitely a blessing. Hat’s off to the wonder that is them!
Power Button Predicament
Today’s Adventure…
The Toni-ster: “Can you shut off the computer? Turn it completely off.”
User: “How do I do that?”
Toni-ster: “Hold the power button down for 30 seconds, or until the light goes off.”
User: “Okay, I held the button down, but there’s still a light on.”
Toni-ster: “Are you sure you turned the computer off, or was it the monitor?” *Toni-ster already knows the answer to this because she’s remoted in and the screen went blank…*
User: “Yes, it was the computer.” *You hear rattling of papers and things moving*
User: “Well,…maybe it was the monitor the blue light isn’t on any more.”
Toni-ster: “Okay, we need to turn the computer off. Find the power button on the computer.”
User: *More rumpling of papers, etc.* “Okay, I think I have it.”
Toni-ster: *Still seeing a blank screen…screen comes on…* “Are you sure you have the computer power button?”
User: “I think so, but I still see a light.”
Toni-ster: “The button should be on the little black box with the device name sticker.”
User: “Oh! That computer.”
Toni-ster: ….
User: *Holds the correct button down and turns off computer…finally!*
Toni-ster: *This is exactly why they made wine….*
Just another day in paradise! 🙂
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Work and Other Nonesense 