Statement of the day…..
What exactly makes someone a baby tomato?
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
All Grinched Up
Halloween decorating was a great success for the IT department…unfortunately. Since it was a success a repeat performance has been requested for the Christmas season.
Problem.
The IT department is Grinch-afied. We do not want to decorate!
We exhausted our energy on Halloween because…well…Halloween is our favorite. The dark dungeon of IT should be the first clue for anyone who doubts.
But….
The office receives a pizza party if all departments decorate. ALL departments. Ugh!
So…. How do you motivate an unmotived and bah humbuggish department to decorate?
I have no idea!
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Ideally Stuffed
I hope everyones Thanksgiving was awesome! They rolled me out the door so, I would say mine was a complete success. The best…no work!
So, I thought I’d share a friends work. (I seem to be on this kick lately, but hey, you have to share the awesome stuff, right?)
If you are a geek of geeks like I am. You have to check out idealcomics.net.
This great group of guys is from my home town. They work their butts off and they are good! They’re also pretty cool but don’t tell them I said anything to that effect lol
Check’em out! Show’em some love! And for goodness sakes, keep me AWAY from the turkey! Ugh!
Happy Holidays All!
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
SQL Clause is Coming to Town
He’s making a database.
He’s querying it twice.
SELECT * FROM People WHERE Behavior = ‘Nice’
SQL Clause is coming to town.
I am going to have this stuck in my head the rest of the day!
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
I T-Shirt You Not!
I’m not a salesperson. I’m a computer geek. But…
A couple of people I know well started a T-Shirt shop. They have some pretty funny items. Thought I’d pass it on in case you were…like me…a huge T-Shirt fan.
No purchase necessary but, they may bring you a smile.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Oh NO IT don’t!
Co-Worker explaining IT to another departments employee…
“IT people have it genetically programmed into their brain to say ‘NO!’ to any question.”
So, that’s why I always say no when someone offers me a donut. Here I thought it was just because I didn’t want one….
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
The Colorful One…for Reports
Just had a manager from Client Services walk in with a CSR and say….
CSM: “Pull up your code. I don’t care what code. Just pull it up. You know, the colorful one for the reports.”
I pulled up the ‘colorful one for reports’….
She proceeds to ‘explain’ to the CSR what ‘code’ is and what it does.
Apparently, the pluses, and minuses, and commas, and parenthesis all do something. I’m sure it is helpful when you’re answering the phones for billing questions.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
How Many IT People Does it Take…??
While hiding under my desk today a new employee badge was brought in to the IT dungeon. The person who activates badges, Make-it-so-Mike, was absent. In his stead the badge found me. The dust bunnies and I had concluded our conversation so I agreed to take on the duty of badge activation. Easy, right? NOPE!
First off. I have NO IDEA how we activate badges. Is there a program? A machine? A magic wand? There’s definitely no documentation…go figure.
Second off. Knowing nothing about the first part concludes I’d know nothing further.
Third off. Apparently Corvette-Crazy doesn’t know about Second Off because ‘knowing nothing’ somehow means ‘knowing something’ and I’m positive I know nothing.
Thankfully, Make-it-so-Mike walked in at this point. I’ve ceased plotting Corvette-Crazies demise. Onward we go to badge activation.
Make-it-so-Mike walks us through activating a badge because we really should know. AND, he will be out all week next week so…..
I take notes. The process is now documented! Woohooo!
We get the badge activated and then….we have to verify the badge works at all the entries. Now, I assume, I will run around and test the badge.
Nope!
It becomes a team effort.
Everyone from IT goes marching through the building. People stop and stare. They ask, “What are you guys doing?” It is a rare sight to see everyone from IT in the hallways. We all laugh at the questions because…the answer is far to silly to admit too.
First door. I place the badge on the reader. It beeps. The door unlocks. Second door – badge, reader, beep. Third door. Another repeat performance – badge, reader, beep. And so it goes.
So, today’s lesson…
If you see the whole IT team wandering the halls. They’re wasting time on something frivolous and they won’t admit it. And, the answer to how many IT people it takes to activate a new employees badge? 3 grown adults
I do hope your day has been filled with comedy. Life is to short to be serious all the time. Especially when you’re in IT.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Calling all Clock Keepers
Walked in to the office this morning. First issue of the day, the time clock was not clocking.
This, is NOT an IT issue.
IT receives first notification because…well, one of the first people who arrive in the office is an IT person. And, well, IT is where you report everything! No toilet paper in stall three of the west women’s bathroom…report it to IT! Out of post-it notes? IT will have the answer! Can’t find the right power cord for your laptop? Maintenance will have it!
Office logic is never logical.
IT is not the keeper of the time clocks. We will, however, report the issue to the keeper of the time clocks. They will then remotely diagnosis the issue. If it can be fixed remotely they work their magic. If it cannot be resolved remotely they send someone with a big hammer to realign the clocks attitude. Today, required a realignment.
A very nice ‘keeper of the time clock’ came down and worked to resolve the issue. We, IT, sat and listened to her fiddle with the time click while talking on the phone to whomever was supplying assistance to her.
We, IT, listened because the time clock lives right outside our office. We listened to offer assistance if needed. We listened to gain insight into a possible resolution. We listened because we reported it. We apparently didn’t listen well enough because….
The very nice ‘keeper of the time clock’ left. No update on whether the issue was resolved or persisted. Nothing but silence.
Then….twenty minutes later the phone rang. It was the very nice lady calling to report the issue was resolved but, there was a slow connection and they may have to replace the Ethernet cable.
She called…
She called… instead of taking five steps to the right, or left, and stepping directly into the IT office.
She called…while the door to IT was wide open with every computer from the history of the company sitting right inside.
She called…instead of asking any of the twenty people sitting there could have been asked, “Where is IT? Where is such-and-such person?”
She called!
We have come to the unanimous decision she is apparently NOT an IT person.
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Did I Give You Permission??
The statement of the day brought to you by Mr. Corvette-Crazy. Artistic drawing of Mr. Corvette-Crazy courtesy of Magnificent-Marge (she did give him more hair then he generally has – she’s always the optimist!).
And no, he never did give her permission to draw him…but she is a bit of a rebel. 🙂
Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k
Work and Other Nonesense 