Today’s adventure…

User: “I can’t get in to such-and-such application”

Me: “Okay, let’s take a look” I remote in and….user is on the main log in screen.

Me: “Oh, so do you need help logging in to the computer?”

User: “No, I have my information to do that…”

Me: ….waiting for user to log in.

User: “Do you want me to log in?”

Me: *Thinking to myself: “No, I need to work on my psychic ability to see what happens next.”*

Me: Saying politely, “Yes, please.”

User: Finally logs in and….

Me: “What application are you having problems accessing?”

User: “Well, I have my sign in information for this application, this application, this one, and also this one.”

Me: “Is it one of those applications you’re having problems with?”

User: “No, I haven’t signed in to it before.”

Me: “Is it one of the applications you access through Citrix?” Opens Citrix for user to sign in.
User: “No, but I will need to be able to sign in there.”

Me: Let’s user know what username/password will get him signed in to Citrix.

Me: “Is the application one of the icons on your desktop?”

User: “I’m not sure. It should be.”

Me: *Waits for user to click on icon…*

Me: “Which of these icons is the one you need?” *Hovers over each icon slowly…trying to remain calm*

User: “I don’t think it is any of those.”

Me: *Screams profanities in my head because I just want to know what application he can’t get into*

Me: “Do you know which application it is?”

User: “I think so-and-so is calling someone.”

Me: *Really wanting to ask, “what does that have to do with the application?” while also screaming inside my head.*

Me: “Oh, are they calling someone to find out what application?”

User: “I don’t know…maybe.”

Mysterious voice in the Background: “Users name, they need to install the application, but you have your log in information, right?”

User: “I think so. They gave me several.”

Disembodied voice again: “Well, what applications did they give you passwords for?”

User: “I’m not sure. There were several of them.”

Me: “Users name, it sounds like someone is helping you with the application in the background. Is there anything else I can do to help?”

User: “Ya, so-and-so is getting the information. I think we’re good.”

Me: “Okay, if you have any additional problems please let us know.”

Disembodied voice in the background: “Now, which application were you trying to log in to? You have it on your computer right, or do we need to install it?”

User: “I think it is on the computer but, it may need to be installed. I don’t know.”

Me: *hanging up the phone quickly, praying he doesn’t call back!*

I still have absolutely no idea what application he was trying to log in to. I’m not even sure there was an application…

Schrodinger’s application – it is both an application and not an application until it is found or not found.

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

A new year.

A new job.

A new perfectly profound personality pool.

Laughter will ensue…has ensued…will be suing… Okay, maybe not the last part, but you get the picture.

The new crew is vast, and ever changing, which means names will be changed to protect the far from innocent.

And we start the year with “Today’s Random Statement,”….

“I think I need a stronger vibrator…”

When said loudly, and with no prior context…or visual clues… would your first thought be about a cell phone? Ya, neither would ours.

Welcome to 2018!

 

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

The Zombie Apocalypse is far more inviting then catching some of us before coffee. I, for one, resemble a zombie before coffee. Sluggish, incoherent and in desperate need of brains.

So, first thing in the morning, you will find our tribe invading the break-room. It is a mass exodus from our area to the coffee machine. Along the way you may hear grumbles, growls, incoherent mumbling but, for the most part though, we’re personable. Unless…. there is no coffee. 

Then our quiet, well-behaved group starts looking for the culprit.

We want to know who we need to hunt down? Why they didn’t make more coffee? Why there is no coffee? In what world do they live where you don’t make a new pot of coffee when you empty one? How long have they worked here? Where is a good place to hide their body? You know, the usual questions.

We have expressed our concern to HR on many occasions. Why is proper coffee etiquette not part of orientation? Everyone needs to know when and how to make coffee. It needs to be a crime walking past the coffee making and not ensuring there is coffee. There MUST be coffee!!!

By the time we’re done debating all of this, again, a new pot of coffee is done brewing. We amazing return to sane, logical, people after a dose of caffeine.

I shutter to think what would happen if we found no coffee to brew while we debated…. Empty Coffee Cup Carrying Zombie Apocalypse?

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

Today’s subject: Freudian Slip

Freud·i·an slip
/ˌfroidēən ˈslip/
noun
an unintentional error regarded as revealing subconscious feelings.

Today’s Freudian Slip (Courtesy of Boss-type-lady):

“Have ‘Virgin’ Control take a look at it.”

…because Version Control is so last year!

You have to wonder just where the Boss-type-ladies mind was…. and….why?

Was she Countess Elizabeth Bathory in a previous life? Nah…she’s no where evil enough but…she does look rather young….

 

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

And the debate begins again…

Dan-chan happily announces, “I made some chili soup, with hamburger meat, last night.”

“Wait…chili isn’t a soup, it is a stew!”

“No…only when you add hamburger does it become a stew.”

“That can’t be true…stew is stew and soup is sloppy.”

“So…without hamburger chili is only a soup?”

“No, chili is always a stew. Unless it is runny, then it’s just ruined.”

“What about beef stew with hamburger meat?”

“And, why do you say hamburger meat, when everyone knows hamburger IS meat? ”

“Do you say chicken meat, or steak meat?”

“Well…no!”

“Then hamburger is just hamburger, and chicken is just chicken, and it is all meat in the end….or out the end, depending on the spices.”

“The portal is down again. Think anyone knows yet?”

“I don’t know. Did you report it?”

And once again, work interferes with the stew meat debate. Until next time, stew on my friends, stew on!

 

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

Work, is for working, or so I’ve been told.

Today, however, was a Tinder moment…at least for Dan-chan. A fact I didn’t know when I walked away from my desk. If I had known I might have been prepared upon return.

Honestly though, nothing can prepare you for the question of, “What’s a Dom?” This is especially true when your focus is not spilling your coffee.

Now, I would expect to be asked about client issues. Maybe even asked about plans for the holidays, or the office holiday party. I would even be prepared to answer a question on hair, makeup, clothing, shoes, etc. Common themes you’d hear conversed about in an office. “What’s a Dom?,” does not rank in my ‘Causal Conversations’ list.

The root cause of this question was, of course, Tinder. Dan-chan had chanced across Brett, a Dom. At least that is what he had listed on his profile. The debate ensued as to whether to swipe right, or pass. The problem: No one could tell Daniella what Dom meant.

There is no way to have a conversation on BDSM without embarrassing some parties involved. And…to avoid potential visits from, or to, HR the solution was simple. I’m buying her a book! In the meantime she should probably say no to Brett.

I can’t wait to see what tomorrows question will be….

 

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

Today we discuss Brightness…and Tea. 

Dan-chan, the youngest, again. Enjoys Matcha Green Tea. Nothing unique, or overly surprising there. Matcha tastes good and it is healthy. Add a little powdered Matcha to a smoothie and you have extra energy for the day. Simple. Effective. Tasty!

Well, maybe not so simple. You see, the directions on the package recommend keeping it in ‘a cool, dark place.’ We work in an office. That really should be simple enough. What else is a filing cabinet for, right?

Enter Dan-chan…and her statement of the day. This came right after she asked, “Guess where I put my Matcha?”

“I put it in the filing cabinet drawer, ’cause it said to keep in a cool, dark place. Oh, Wait! I have yellow folders in there. It may be two bright.”

No, no my dear, it isn’t too bright.

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

Aww, a quiet Monday morning.

It starts with a mass migration to the life giving coffee machine. It ends with a mass fleeing of the building. It is the in-between events which make the day. It is all coffee, conversations, meetings, and…

“What’s the best vibrator to buy?”

Well… the smaller ones are cheaper, the medium sized ones offer more options, and the large ones are for the brave at heart. Is purple better than pink? Glass better than silicone? Bullets or Rabbits?

“Oh, and did you get the cross connection letters done?”

Wait! What?

Yes, because random conversations last less than ten minutes! Welcome to our world!

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

Coffee, the nectar of the gods!

Don’t get me wrong. Tea is great. We even had a hot coca drinker within the ranks once. The majority of us though are coffee-aholics. We become functioning adults thanks to the deep, dark liquid.

Once you’re in the office and have booted up your computer. You head directly to the breakroom for coffee. Easy, right?

Enter the realm of the un-caffeinated Analysts. Trudging through the darkened halls of The Office, in search of the holy grail… Coffee! They loudly enter The Breakroom in expectation of finding coffee in abundance. Lo, and behold, though they find….

One coffee carafe with little more than a drop of coffee. A second carafe verging on whole half a cup. Six people stand around, waiting, for someone to make more coffee. Not one of the six capable of such a feat.

Loud grumbling rises from the mouths of The Analysts. Grumbling tinged with disbelief. Laziness has become an epidemic within the walls of The Office. The brave among The Analysts venture towards the coffee maker. Quickly they apprehend first one carafe, then another. Combining the contents of the two. Then, with daft agility, they begin brewing a new pot!

The masses are in awe…the coffee-aholics quiet…anticipation invades the air. Soon there shall be COFFEE!

Just don’t turn your back, or the lazy will steal the freshly made coffee…

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k