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RBL G33Khttp://workandothernonsense.comI live as a computer geek in the world of the technically challenged. By day scripting life one program at a time. At night, walking the pathways of the mundane. All of it done with a sharp wit and complete filter failure. I'm just as surprised as you at the things I say...or type. My motto is, "It was a good idea at the time!" Words to live by unless you're accused of murder and then... I'd find a better motto.
RBL G33K's avatar

Programming Virgins

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All in a days conversations…..

Me: “It looks like a crime scene in here….”

Boss: “All that is missing is the blood splatter…”

Me: “That can be arranged…”

Boss: “Well….who do you propose we sacrifice?”

Me: “Typically, a virgin….”

Boss: “Can you program that..?”

Me: “No, the code for that was broken long ago….”

I wonder if the new AI sex dolls are considered virginal until utilized….?

 

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

iLive vs. iDead

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Statement of the day….

“People keep calling wanting to talk to a live representative. I really have the urge to pass them off to a dead one!”

I have often wondered if I’ve reached a living, or dead, representative when calling customer service. I now have the answer!

Is it possible I’m living in an episode of iZombie and I didn’t know it….??

 

zombie.jpg

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Error it is!

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In the land of IT error messages are both a blessing and a curse.

Actual error messages:

  • Unacceptable SQL statement.
  • The statement is too long or too complex.
  • Illegal use of the specified keyword.
  • FETCH cannot make an INSENSITIVE cursor SENSITIVE. <– Is this an HR issue? 
  • You tried to create an object that already exists
  • Operation operation is not allowed on system databases
  • The clauses are mutually exclusive                             <–Monogamy in the tech world?
  • The DELETE rule must be DELETE-rule                      <– Persistent isn’t it?
  • Table table-name cannot be created in specified table space table-space-name because it already contains a table
  • The statement is rejected by data definition control support. reason reason-code
  • Unavailable resource. Someone else is locking your data.

Error messages are sooooo helpful!

error.jpg

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Observations from a Padded Server Room….

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If you’re a manager, director, boss, or any other title overseeing employees…

  1. Do your job, not your employees job, even if your think you’re helping.
  2. Do Not sabotage your employees by doing parts of their job, having meetings with clients where decision on projects are made by yourself….without telling them…all the time! We need that information…we’re the ones working on the project….your job is to oversee our work. It confuses the client, your employee, and makes job hunting look appealing. Hair pulling, fluency in four letter word usage, and padded room experience are not acceptable skills for resume’s.
  3. Do Not reply to emails you’re copied on saying “I’ll take care of this…” when your employee is already taking care of it….. It makes it look like you are not confident in the people YOU hired. If it was already on your ‘To Do’ list then tell your employee first before replying to all. A simple “Hey, I knew this was an issue and am going to resolve it.” goes a long way. Absence of a heads up leads to #2 above.
  4. And last, but not least, employees like to have faith in their fearless leader. They like to know a few things:

Their boss would go to bat for them in adversity.
Their boss has faith in their abilities.
Their boss can lead without needing to control.
Their boss is available when needed.
Their boss won’t send them to the crazy house.

Note: This post was written in complete frustration. In five minutes I won’t remember it, and likely won’t care about any of it….until it happens again. I would like to think I would be an effective leader BUT….I’m pretty sure I would make the same mistakes, and likely a slew of others. If any of us were perfect we wouldn’t have self help books, right? On that note…. Here’s my suggested reading list for those looking to be effective leaders:

  1. The Noticer by Andy Andrews: Sometimes, all a person needs is a little perspective. (If I had to choose one book to provide to everyone I know….this would be the book!)

  2. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson: A Counter-intuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (Not really a leadership focused book but, it is well worth a read!)

  3. The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People (Awesome book!)

  4. The Power of Positive Leadership by John Gordon: How and Why Positive Leaders Transform Teams and Organizations and Change the World

  5. The Leadership Challenge: How to Make Extraordinary Things Happen in Organizations

  6. The Geek Leader’s Handbook by Paul Glen and Maria McManus: Essential Leadership Insight for People with Technical Backgrounds

  7. Grow Your Geeks by Antoinette Oglethorpe: A Handbook for Developing Leaders in High-Tech Organisations

Happy reading! Rant over 😉

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Statement of the Day

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Over heard in passing….

“Go hug a venomous spider, you Vitamin D-deficient circus clown!” 

I have yet to decide if this is the best insult I have ever heard or a highly inventive way to tell someone to drop dead…. decisions, decisions 🙂

 

rip.jpg

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Observation from Under the Desk…

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Work Christmas Parties can be nerve racking if you’re an introvert like most IT personnel. However, every so often such gatherings remind why we work here….

…and the winning White Elephant Prize goes to the Administrative Assistant Extraordinaire with the giving of the Maxi Pad Slippers….

slippers.jpg

Slip’on ya’ll! Slip’on!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

 

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Email of the Day

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The Randomness of work email….

From: Administrative Assistant
Sent: Wednesday, December 12, 2018 2:10 PM
To: Everyone under the Sun
Subject: trunk open in bad wind

There is a Gray Honda in the parking lot whose trunk is a jar

Here I always thought a trunk was a trunk, and a jar was a jar. Now a trunk can be a jar? What’s next a tire can be a spare? 😉

Life is short, laugh at the little things!

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Overheard in Cubicle Land

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Mysterious Cubicle Dweller: “Can I borrow your brains?”

Holder of the Brains: “Sure, but I’d better wash them first. They’re a little on the sticky side. Oh, do they need shoes?”

Shoes…because how else are brains supposed to get around? 

goofy.png

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Observations from the Server Room Door

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When experiencing technical difficulties one must enter the server room quietly….

…for a server always works while being observed!

banghead

 

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

DECLARE-ing War!

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When…

DECLARE @EndDate DATE;
DECLARE @StartDate DATE;

–SET @StartDate = DATEADD(MONTH, DATEDIFF(MONTH, 0, GETDATE()) – 1, 0);
–SET @EndDate = DATEADD(MONTH, DATEDIFF(MONTH, -1, GETDATE()) – 1, -1);

SET @StartDate = ’01/01/2018′
SET @EndDate = ’12/31/2018′

——————————————————————————————————————————-

DECLARE @StartDate DateTime;
DECLARE @EndDate DateTime;

SET @StartDate = ‘You’re not working the way I want you to you stupid thing!’
SET @EndDate = ‘You’re not helping either!!’

…fails, the consensus is Report Builder Sucks! We will get you my pretty! And your little SET too! We just need a house and ruby slippers….

ruby

Thank goodness Thanksgiving is tomorrow! Four days off may just change the queries attitude. I know being stashed in a folder for four days would change mine! 🙂

On that note I leave you with these wise words…

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump
May your potatoes and gravy
have nary a lump
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving all!!
May your day be filled with Family, Friends, and reasons to be Thankful!

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l