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RBL G33Khttp://workandothernonsense.comI live as a computer geek in the world of the technically challenged. By day scripting life one program at a time. At night, walking the pathways of the mundane. All of it done with a sharp wit and complete filter failure. I'm just as surprised as you at the things I say...or type. My motto is, "It was a good idea at the time!" Words to live by unless you're accused of murder and then... I'd find a better motto.
RBL G33K's avatar

What’s for Lunch?

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So…

Corvette-Crazy and Make-it-so-Mike have this thing. It’s a weird thing. They’re a weird thing.

Anyway…

They venture to lunch and when they come back….they try to guess where the other went for lunch. You wouldn’t think this would be entertaining but…

Corvette-Crazy keeps a stash of empty fast food bags in his vehicle. Let me say that again….He keeps a stash of Empty fast food bags in his vehicle.

Why does he keep this stash? So he can ‘stump’ Make-it-so-Mike. The daily lunch discussion goes exactly like this:

Corvette-Crazy: *Walks in with a bag of food and drink* “So, where did I go to lunch?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “I don’t know. I didn’t see the bag”

Corvette-Crazy: *Holds up bag so Make-it-so-Mike can see it*

FYI – the bag Corvette-Crazy holds up says Taco Johns.

Make-it-so-Mike: “Looks like Arby’s, or Sonics.”

Corvette-Crazy: “Is that your finally answer?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “I know you went Sonic’s. I can see the cup.”

Corvette-Crazy: “Is that the only place I went?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “Probably not.”

Make-it-so-Mike to Me: “You know he keeps a stash of empty bags in his car so he can switch them out, right?”

Me: “You’re kidding?”

Make-it-so-Mike: “Nope”

Corvette-Crazy to Mike: “I think she’s getting into this too.”

Me: “Keep thinking!”

I have the unfortunate luck to have my desk smack dab between these two.. Most days, it is a great place to be….until lunch rolls around.

I appreciate the ‘guys’ have their thing. It entertains them. It makes them happy. Happy co-workers are a good thing.

However….after a year of this lunch discussion… I DO NOT care what anyone has for lunch!

By the way, I had beef jerky and a Monster for lunch. I know you were wondering…

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Just Call Me ‘The Machine’

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I love the receptionist we have at work. She is the brightest part of my mornings. She does, however, get the most unusual calls. Case in point:

Receptionist: “Thank you for calling our company. How may I help you?”

Today’s Caller: “Hello. Are you an answering machine?”

Receptionist: “An answering machine?” 

Today’s Caller: “No, not a machine.”

Machines may be ruling the world but we still like the personal touch around here.  Machine on Regal Receptionist!!

 

robot.jpeg

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Statements of the Day

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When IT is in one room. You have the pleasure of hearing things like:

Computer User: “I cannot use my computer!!”

   “The computer is just weird! I can’t use it!  It’s like wearing a bad shoe.”

So…what exactly is a bad shoe?

badshoe.jpeg

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Extend Your Right Arm And…

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When your Support Desk personnel are tired of fixing the same issue, repeatedly, every single day, but…they are trying to stay upbeat and positive to avoid jail time…. you end up with directions like this:

Periodically Internet Explorer will not display the  Home page (www.ourhomepage.com/homepage) correctly however there is a very simple fix!

If you open the Home Page and see something that looks like this image – follow the 6 steps outlined below:

homepage

  1. Relax – it’s easy to fix!
  2. Click on the “Sprocket” in the upper right corner of the browser

sprocket

3. Click Compatibility View Settings

compatability

4. Remove the Check in the box before “Display intranet sites in Compatibility View” and Click Close

checkmark

5. The browser should automatically refresh and …… Ala-ka-zam!!  You fixed it!! Your  Home Page aka Links Page should now look like this:

After

6. Now, fully extend your right arm, wrap it around your left shoulder and give yourself  a pat on the back – Good Job!!

If you read the full instructions…extend your right arm, wrap it around your left shoulder, and pat yourself on the back! You’ve just done more than the intended audience, Kudos!

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Brand Name vs. Generic

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And today’s winning conversation….

Caller: “I have a question about my coverage.”

Receptionist: “Okay, let me get you over to customer service.”

Caller: “No, I only want to speak to a generic person.”

And Generic for the win! Brand Name is back on the benches. Maybe next round Brand Name will get its chance.

Makes you wonder….are you Brand Name, or Generic?

goofy

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

SuperVamp, or SuperZombie?

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So….today’s conversation contemplated the following question….

Can Superman be turned into a vampire or zombie?

My only question is….which would be worse?

stick

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Commitment to Commenting

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When you’re searching for a solution and find the best code comments…

comment

Although the funniest comments I’ve ran across stated:

/**

This code does something. Once I figure out what is it I’ll use it.

**/

To this day, no one knows what the code does….and no one touches it!

If you’re talking about my comments… You get statements like this:

/**

————Failed attempts to achieve random goals – moving on!————
**/

My commitment to commenting could have me committed…. but moving on!

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Confirming the Confirmation is Confirmed

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Sometimes, Wednesdays start off a little weird….

ME: Hey, the ExportCD job has been running for 11 hours. It should only take an hour and a half….

Genius-Developer-Guy: Yep, sounds like a problem. *Quickly walks out the door…*

Well…at least we’ve confirmed there’s a problem.

bigredbutton

 

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Didn’t Really Do Anything…

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Seriousness is not a job requirement…even from the captain of the ship….

From: Hot Wheels Aficionado
Sent: Tuesday, April 2, 2019 2:08 PM
To: Customer Wise One; Me
Cc: President Extraordinaire
Subject: RE: ASAP Deadline: Report Needed

Thanks. Let me know or just CC me when/if you send it to Stacie.

Thanks All (Well, not President Extraordinaire. He didn’t really do anything!)

Hot Wheels Aficionado
Marketing Manager | Phone/Fax | Toll Free

 

From: President Extraordinaire
Sent: Tuesday, April 2, 2019 2:34 PM
To: Hot Wheels Aficionado ; Customer Wise One; Me
Subject: RE: ASAP Deadline: Report Needed

Correct…..and it will remain that way.

answers

 

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l

Stick, Stuck, Stick It!

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Conversations outside the office door….

“I was wondering where you wanted me to stick that….”

“Not stick it, but stick it”

Because defining where it is to be stuck without sticking it is key!

stick.png

 

Yours Faithfully,
R3b3l G33k

R3b3l