Your Slip is Showing!

freud
Today’s subject: Freudian Slip

Freud·i·an slip
/ˌfroidēən ˈslip/
noun
an unintentional error regarded as revealing subconscious feelings.

Today’s Freudian Slip (Courtesy of Boss-type-lady):

“Have ‘Virgin’ Control take a look at it.”

…because Version Control is so last year!

scratchingYou have to wonder just where the Boss-type-ladies mind was…. and….why?

Was she Countess Elizabeth Bathory in a previous life? Nah…she’s no where evil enough but…she does look rather young….

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Add the Meat, Remove the Stew?

To chili or not to chiliAnd the debate begins again…

Dan-chan happily announces, “I made some chili soup, with hamburger meat, last night.”

“Wait…chili isn’t a soup, it is a stew!”

“No…only when you add hamburger does it become a stew.”

“That can’t be true…stew is stew and soup is sloppy.”

“So…without hamburger chili is only a soup?”

“No, chili is always a stew. Unless it is runny, then it’s just ruined.”

“What about beef stew with hamburger meat?”

“And, why do you say hamburger meat, when everyone knows hamburger IS meat? ”

“Do you say chicken meat, or steak meat?”

“Well…no!”

“Then hamburger is just hamburger, and chicken is just chicken, and it is all meat in the end….or out the end, depending on the spices.”

“The portal is down again. Think anyone knows yet?”

“I don’t know. Did you report it?”

And once again, work interferes with the stew meat debate. Until next time, stew on my friends, stew on!

 

Tinder-ly Tied Up

Work, is for working, or so I’ve been told.

Today, however, was a Tinder moment…at least for Dan-chan. A fact I didn’t know when I walked away from my desk. If I had known I might have been prepared upon return.

Honestly though, nothing can prepare you for the question of, “What’s a Dom?” This is especially true when your focus is not spilling your coffee.

Now, I would expect to be asked about client issues. Maybe even asked about plans for the holidays, or the office holiday party. I would even be prepared to answer a question on hair, makeup, clothing, shoes, etc. Common themes you’d hear conversed about in an office. “What’s a Dom?,” does not rank in my ‘Causal Conversations’ list.

The root cause of this question was, of course, Tinder. Dan-chan had chanced across Brett, a Dom. At least that is what he had listed on his profile. The debate ensued as to whether to swipe right, or pass. The problem: No one could tell Daniella what Dom meant.

There is no way to have a conversation on BDSM without embarrassing some parties involved. And…to avoid potential visits from, or to, HR the solution was simple. I’m buying her a book! In the meantime she should probably say no to Brett.

I can’t wait to see what tomorrows question will be….

Is it Bright in Here?

Today we discuss Brightness…and Tea. matcha

Dan-chan, the youngest, again. Enjoys Matcha Green Tea. Nothing unique, or overly surprising there. Matcha tastes good and it is healthy. Add a little powdered Matcha to a smoothie and you have extra energy for the day. Simple. Effective. Tasty!

Well, maybe not so simple. You see, the directions on the package recommend keeping it in ‘a cool, dark place.’ We work in an office. That really should be simple enough. What else is a filing cabinet for, right?

Enter Dan-chan…and her statement of the day. This came right after she asked, “Guess where I put my Matcha?”

“I put it in the filing cabinet drawer, ’cause it said to keep in a cool, dark place. Oh, Wait! I have yellow folders in there. It may be two bright.”

No, no my dear, it isn’t too bright.

And… Randomness!

Aww, a quiet Monday morning.

It starts with a mass migration to the life giving coffee machine. It ends with a mass fleeing of the building. It is the in-between events which make the day. It is all coffee, conversations, meetings, and…

“What’s the best vibrator to buy?”

Well… the smaller ones are cheaper, the medium sized ones offer more options, and the large ones are for the brave at heart. Is purple better than pink? Glass better than silicone? Bullets or Rabbits?

“Oh, and did you get the cross connection letters done?”

Wait! What?

Yes, because random conversations last less than ten minutes! Welcome to our world!

Coffee, the Necessity

coffeeCoffee, the nectar of the gods!

Don’t get me wrong. Tea is great. We even had a hot coca drinker within the ranks once. The majority of us though are coffee-aholics. We become functioning adults thanks to the deep, dark liquid.

Once you’re in the office and have booted up your computer. You head directly to the breakroom for coffee. Easy, right?

Enter the realm of the un-caffeinated Analysts. Trudging through the darkened halls of The Office, in search of the holy grail… Coffee! They loudly enter The Breakroom in expectation of finding coffee in abundance. Lo, and behold, though they find….

One coffee carafe with little more than a drop of coffee. A second carafe verging on whole half a cup. Six people stand around, waiting, for someone to make more coffee. Not one of the six capable of such a feat.

Loud grumbling rises from the mouths of The Analysts. Grumbling tinged with disbelief. Laziness has become an epidemic within the walls of The Office. The brave among The Analysts venture towards the coffee maker. Quickly they apprehend first one carafe, then another. Combining the contents of the two. Then, with daft agility, they begin brewing a new pot!

The masses are in awe…the coffee-aholics quiet…anticipation invades the air. Soon there shall be COFFEE!

Just don’t turn your back, or the lazy will steal the freshly made coffee…

Telepathically Typical Days

A typical day in the life of an Analyst.

You start the day with making it into the office. Sounds simple enough, but imagine if you will, Lilliputians. Everywhere you look, Lilliputians. You move…they break…you fix…Lilliputians. That’s a little morbid. Let’s try this…

images

At any moment your phone can ring. There can be an issue with the system. Users can’t access it. It’s throwing an error. A batch is held up. It isn’t working as expected. This call can come at 3 p.m. or 3 a.m. And you’re on this call until it is resolved. Five minutes, five hours, doesn’t matter.

Not surprisingly a large majority of these calls come at 1 a.m. It’s like the system KNOWS! “Sshhhh, she’s sleeping soundly. Looks like a great dream! Let’s break! She won’t mind…”

If you’re lucky, the issue takes 15 minutes to resolve. Then you’re off and running. You get your shower. You get your breakfast. You make it into the office. Life is good!

Once in the office you have to make it to your desk. No problem! Well….if you sneak in the back way you’re pretty safe. Walk through one of the departments though and WHAM! You’re caught!

It’s not a huge deal. They’re either going to catch you, or submit a ticket. Either way, you are going to work on their issue. Now, it can be a big deal if the system broke between leaving the house and reaching the office door. It happens. Dang gremlins in the system. They know! They plot, and plan. Evil little things!

You’ve made it to the office! Congratulations, your award is work!

It takes a few minutes to boot up your system, open all of your programs and glance at the never-ending stream of emails. Email is a trap! The oubliette of electronic communication. The place of forgetting.

You either forget to read your email. Read it and forget to reply. Forget to hit send on your reply. Forget what the email said…and read it twelve more times, or simply forget there was life before email. I forget to hit send on emails. I have wonderfully written, well phrased, magnificent novels still waiting on my desktop for me to hit send. It’s a curse. Plus send is so overrated these days. Telepathy, now I can get behind that thought!

So, we’ve made it into the office. We’ve booted our machines, and avoided our email. We’re now ready for the day….to end.

Tomorrow… we’ll talk coffee!